i dont even really wanna think about the future right now. at all.
i left the apartment. packed all my stuff & left a note.
theres such a long list of why i cant even go into it
mostly just hes controlling & selfish & he puts his wants before my feelings
hes 100% willing to let me be uncomfortable so he can satisfy his endless lust.
been sick for 6 months and he doesnt even care.
i cant go back. as bad as iu want to
im trying not to let him see that i want to. but i really do,
i was just listening to his voicemails and hes over here crying hard
begging me to come back apologizing
theres like 6
i know he thinks he loves me but he just thinks im his possession
its not true love because true love is unselfish is just egoic attachment
on both our parts
i dont want to be single again at all
even though i know God will help me get through it. i just feel like..
i wish it wasnt true.
i dont want to be at sandras
it doesnt feel like home
i dont want to like..be thinking about him all the time
knowing i just wanna go back but cant
i dont want this at all
i wish he had common sense and would just be normal
like the one guy i find now i have to walk away from
i cant even focus i just wanna go home & like..hug him and be with him
and just..i hate this.
and i for sure dont want to do anything
not type stupid articles and school work,
thats what im supposed to be doing
and he just keeps calling
i listen to the voicemails just to hear his voice
hes called me 8 times. 2 more voicemails.
idk wtf im supposed to do. without him its back to the motions. just..school, work, force myself to workout.
thats it. sigh, God help me please cause all i wanna do is leave & go to him right now.
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