Wednesday, March 31, 2010
hey maybe you should
pray. pray about everything. THAT is why everything works out for me. not because im "luckY" but because im blessed. i pray instead of thinking. i direct all my thoughts as a conversation with God. and he answers prayers. even if its a no, he answers. so pray. that is all
hey, look what im doing
so i went to my interview...with some leather leggins, my lucky interview shirt, some boots, my sunglasses, red lipstick, and all my piercings and tats visible. i drew up a small presentation last night for them to look at to make sure were doing a good job hitting all the social media network marks. i loved them they were funny & nice. brenda reminds me of liz from myfitfoods. very good energy!!! and two hours later i got a call saying i got the job!! yes!!
i am the new PR/marketing rep for social media at americanhealthandbeauty.com YES!!
SOOOOO many new opportunities im way too excited. but this..this might be corporate america lmao what did i tell you!!! 24 hour fitness is calling me right now..hmm..
anyway. so you wanna know what im doing right now!!! :
fist pump. to the motherfucking fullest.
i am the new PR/marketing rep for social media at americanhealthandbeauty.com YES!!
SOOOOO many new opportunities im way too excited. but this..this might be corporate america lmao what did i tell you!!! 24 hour fitness is calling me right now..hmm..
anyway. so you wanna know what im doing right now!!! :
fist pump. to the motherfucking fullest.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
kicking the habit
so im off fast food. feel like im gunna die. but i mean..im happy with my body now but its by the grace of God that i looklike this nd not a disaster after the year of hard work that i threw away with my glutton & slovenly ways=[ but hey, everydays a new day. gotta start somewhere. so im starting now. i feel like im gunna die. but i want to compete. & i will not let food control me. mcdonalds is bad for me. i eat it everyday, i need to care. i have really let myself go. i mean if shit tasted good would you eat it? im not your averae college kid im a damn nutrition guru. i KNOW whats in this shit. yet i still eat it. smh i feel sorry for western civilization. this controls us. fast food and capitalism. yuck.
social life
...is not life. its..a fragment. a self created monster that is really just destructive. i myself am not a fan. i havent gotten on fb or twitter..idk how long. dont feel like it.
why does the world need toknow what im doing??
& im addicted. i dont like that. so #weoffthat.
i have found myself so much more atentive & at peace withou them.
everyones always bitching. or talkin shit about somethin or someone. & i am influenced by this.
meatridin, cosiging...bullshitting. like children.
i normally partake in it & with enthusiasm but right now..
im just not in the mood.
its all fun & games til someone gets hurt. im just irritated with a lot of peopl.
twitter itself is the cause of a lot of drama. & the energy is bad.
so im doin my own thing. im tired of people in my business & in my face & all on my shit so im takin a breather.
i am on my second book this week. i need to go back to B&n & get more cuz i think ive read everything i own at least twice lmao. bookworm. nerd. geek. yaaaaa
why does the world need toknow what im doing??
& im addicted. i dont like that. so #weoffthat.
i have found myself so much more atentive & at peace withou them.
everyones always bitching. or talkin shit about somethin or someone. & i am influenced by this.
meatridin, cosiging...bullshitting. like children.
i normally partake in it & with enthusiasm but right now..
im just not in the mood.
its all fun & games til someone gets hurt. im just irritated with a lot of peopl.
twitter itself is the cause of a lot of drama. & the energy is bad.
so im doin my own thing. im tired of people in my business & in my face & all on my shit so im takin a breather.
i am on my second book this week. i need to go back to B&n & get more cuz i think ive read everything i own at least twice lmao. bookworm. nerd. geek. yaaaaa
PROGRESS!!!
So. I have spent the last three hours cleaning & rearrnging my room.if youve ever been in here or if you know me..you know this shit s SPOTLESS. i cleaned my bathroom like a grownup [i.e. actually used cleaning materials] & i rearranged the whole room. i put clothes away & washed more & did my month old dishes. which was not fun. sigh.
im trying to give the plce a better energy i want it to be a positive tranquil place so i plan on redecorating.
i also worked out this morning, still gotta go to the rec tonight.
& i renewed my lease.
&&&& i landed an interview tomorrow morning wth a national health & beauty magazine for a PR internship because of my internet marketing expertise=] whats good!!! too excited!!! prayin like crazy as usual! always works=]
im pretty sick. whole body hurts & my throat..i sound like a fat kid. but ivecontinued daily activities.
you dont grind you dont shine
i got a month to get back in contest shape. winning is my ticket out of here.
i had this wierd feeling today..that im most likely going to end up in Corporate America. do i plan to stop getting tattoos? No. Watch me work.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
family time!!!
i love my little brother. and if it is possible to love someone to DEATH..he did it to me this weekend. he is a very big fan of laying on me. & standing behind me because he says im "soft back there"....perv.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
is this you??
is this you??? which one?? are you the bitch that lies & steals & cheats & hurts everyone she comes in contact with but feels as if shes on top of the world
?? or are you the whimpering puppy that follows behind her? oblivious yet guilty by association?? or are you the dumb one that is just there? OR are you the good person turned just as bad, by the people she chose to hang around? either way are you proud of your self??
in real life its not a movie. & youre not popular. k bye.
i want this
snakes are fcking sexy. i will have one. by next semester. period. im so twisted. what should i name him?
GIRL FIGHT
soo... theres these two girls i know. they are both talking to the same guy. one of them spends her time hating SOMEONE ELSE because they talked to him at one point in their life. meanwhile one of her close friends is talking to him right now. i find this hysterical. =]
rarely in life do we ever truly KNOW who our enemies are.
the battle within-i fight
another poem i wrote a while back. applies now. i wanna get this one tatted i love it.
Even if to the passerby
it looks as if the storm subsides
&the waves have calmed
The battle within me rages on
Those who are against me sing their song
of hatred & doubt
They scream and they shout
But when the odds arent in my favor
theres only liability for me
& no waiver
even when the sky says Im wrong
I stand tall cause after all,
Im right
And when I hear the cannons
& my eardrums are broken
my senses are numb
I do not back down
When theres no one in my corner
NO friends around
I do not back down
For Whatever does one such as I need
with the sunshine soldier?
There with open hands when I succeed
but never when it rains & my eyes
need a shoulder
I wont lie
If Im wounded I might cry
In the dark where no one can see
But I still fight
Thats just me.
Even when the tremors of the night
come to darken my plight
There is no light
& shadows surround me from every side
Even if I have no weapons
Even if the enemies come in from a distance
I will ball of my fists&
Ill fight
Like my fathers before me did
For freedom for their kids
independence from the hurt and the shame
the things that hold you back from representing your name
with pride & with power
THe time is either now or
never.
NEver will I back down
put on an act like a clown
to please the masses
I wont walk away like my dad did
I will face the odds with my head held high
and on my knees as I pray
Let the final blow be struck
I wont dodge nor will I duck
I will take it like a man
cause I can
& I will
always fight.
Til I am free
from the chains
and the blame
and the games
that restrain me
never will they train me
to be anything
but the bestg that I can be
I can do it myself
"I dont need no stinkin help"
All i need is my heart
& a beat
& Ill fight.
& If i fall down again,
believe when i rise
I will win.
Even if to the passerby
it looks as if the storm subsides
&the waves have calmed
The battle within me rages on
Those who are against me sing their song
of hatred & doubt
They scream and they shout
But when the odds arent in my favor
theres only liability for me
& no waiver
even when the sky says Im wrong
I stand tall cause after all,
Im right
And when I hear the cannons
& my eardrums are broken
my senses are numb
I do not back down
When theres no one in my corner
NO friends around
I do not back down
For Whatever does one such as I need
with the sunshine soldier?
There with open hands when I succeed
but never when it rains & my eyes
need a shoulder
I wont lie
If Im wounded I might cry
In the dark where no one can see
But I still fight
Thats just me.
Even when the tremors of the night
come to darken my plight
There is no light
& shadows surround me from every side
Even if I have no weapons
Even if the enemies come in from a distance
I will ball of my fists&
Ill fight
Like my fathers before me did
For freedom for their kids
independence from the hurt and the shame
the things that hold you back from representing your name
with pride & with power
THe time is either now or
never.
NEver will I back down
put on an act like a clown
to please the masses
I wont walk away like my dad did
I will face the odds with my head held high
and on my knees as I pray
Let the final blow be struck
I wont dodge nor will I duck
I will take it like a man
cause I can
& I will
always fight.
Til I am free
from the chains
and the blame
and the games
that restrain me
never will they train me
to be anything
but the bestg that I can be
I can do it myself
"I dont need no stinkin help"
All i need is my heart
& a beat
& Ill fight.
& If i fall down again,
believe when i rise
I will win.
you cant catch me
i wrote this poem about a boy with five names [literally] about..idk how long ago. it applies now. again. go figure.
I see you there running behind me
chasing me at full speed
& I know youre FASTer than me
but you cant catch me
I see your evil eyes
glaring at me through the trees
the pain may bring me to my knees
but you cant catch me
I see your dirty hands
reaching for my neck
you want to suffocate me but bet
you cannot catch me
I see the web you weave
when at once you do deceive
and most are falling for this trickery
BUT ALAS, you cant catch me
I see your determination
in my degradation
humiliation
but you cant catch me
so will we run for ever?
in this race against time
though you re crossing that line
you cant catch me
when you look at me I look up
to the sky for a sign
for wings so I can fly
far away where you cant catch me
The Days turn to night
everything is wrong never right
Even if misery is my plight
You cant catch me
You cant HIDE FOREVER
you scream across the desert
this solitude
you’ve led me to
But it wont last
This too shall past
& Ill have the last laugh
Cause you cant catch me
Ill belt at the top of my lungs
“TAKE EM, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!”
I will never ever give up
YOU CAN NOT CATCH ME
Im not running from you
Im running to truth
you may have trapped & converted my troops
But you cant catch me
No matter what you do
No matter who you screw
No matter what you take from me
You cant catch me
So bring it on kid
Call me a bitch
call me a snitch
Call me a hoe
Lose all control
Make me hate where I am and where Ive been
But This aint the Hill[s] & I aint Lauryn
“How you Gon Win when You aint Right Within?”
Uh Uh Come Again
Matter fact don’t
Im prayin you wont
So Im not invited to the Party
& Who cares if you don’t want me
Every single time you hurt me
You still cant catch me
I will rise above
with no friends, and no love
With a thousand Dogs Chasin Behind me
You will never ever catch me
And Ill tell you why
Because Though I told, I didn’t tell a lie
Tried to do what was right
& You cant catch me
Alone in the fire
burned like a witch and stoned like a liar
I am Gods child
& he wont let you catch me.
For the fallen aren’t always Weak
Heaven forbid I should get up
& When I do Ill be at my peak
Standing way too tall
For you to even see me
So If you cant see me
& You don’t really know me
Pay up what you owe me
Because you really cant catch me.
I see you there running behind me
chasing me at full speed
& I know youre FASTer than me
but you cant catch me
I see your evil eyes
glaring at me through the trees
the pain may bring me to my knees
but you cant catch me
I see your dirty hands
reaching for my neck
you want to suffocate me but bet
you cannot catch me
I see the web you weave
when at once you do deceive
and most are falling for this trickery
BUT ALAS, you cant catch me
I see your determination
in my degradation
humiliation
but you cant catch me
so will we run for ever?
in this race against time
though you re crossing that line
you cant catch me
when you look at me I look up
to the sky for a sign
for wings so I can fly
far away where you cant catch me
The Days turn to night
everything is wrong never right
Even if misery is my plight
You cant catch me
You cant HIDE FOREVER
you scream across the desert
this solitude
you’ve led me to
But it wont last
This too shall past
& Ill have the last laugh
Cause you cant catch me
Ill belt at the top of my lungs
“TAKE EM, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!”
I will never ever give up
YOU CAN NOT CATCH ME
Im not running from you
Im running to truth
you may have trapped & converted my troops
But you cant catch me
No matter what you do
No matter who you screw
No matter what you take from me
You cant catch me
So bring it on kid
Call me a bitch
call me a snitch
Call me a hoe
Lose all control
Make me hate where I am and where Ive been
But This aint the Hill[s] & I aint Lauryn
“How you Gon Win when You aint Right Within?”
Uh Uh Come Again
Matter fact don’t
Im prayin you wont
So Im not invited to the Party
& Who cares if you don’t want me
Every single time you hurt me
You still cant catch me
I will rise above
with no friends, and no love
With a thousand Dogs Chasin Behind me
You will never ever catch me
And Ill tell you why
Because Though I told, I didn’t tell a lie
Tried to do what was right
& You cant catch me
Alone in the fire
burned like a witch and stoned like a liar
I am Gods child
& he wont let you catch me.
For the fallen aren’t always Weak
Heaven forbid I should get up
& When I do Ill be at my peak
Standing way too tall
For you to even see me
So If you cant see me
& You don’t really know me
Pay up what you owe me
Because you really cant catch me.
who the fuck are you
frontier fiesta was fun
its hard to know.. who im still "speaking to" or not
i met hese girls that i been tryna reunite with from this one night at the club..like 2 months later it was like a love story lol the remembered me too
but...ive seen some tweets...and ppl just been bein real "honest" [the new word for messy and rude] wih me lately..
ive observed a lot of friendships gone sour in some of my acquaintances lives as well & i realized.
i am going to school with mean petty children. i do not know why nor do i care WHY they dislike me cuz iv done nothing but be myself..& not take shit off ppl that everyone else takesshit off of.
ive become like this poor little victim. tryna do right. tryna be the bigger person.
fuck bein the bigger person when these whores r tryna make me feel small.
since when do i give a fuck about who liks me or why?? when i think aout it half these bitches i just was nice to for politics. fuck a politic now. weight off my shoulders.
who am i? am i this persons friend? is that my identity? my clique? or a certain quota of ppl that dont have a problem with me? no.
i am sandra michelle parish born in houston texas 20 years old. i like art & music. i like colors in my head but i am obsessed with black. i am also obsessed with hearts and emotions.
when i see everyone doing one thing i do the opposite.
ex. colors r in right now. so i wear all black.
im not "force"ing anything anymore. these motherfuckers are wierd, attention hungry, & rude & im but tired of it.
im not required to be friendly. i dont need anymore friends than i have & i dont need anyone at all but the good Lord & my family im blessed to have friends.
if u do not like me FUCK U omg who gives a got damn. im done man.
no more niggas that think theyre to good for me. no more "cliques" nothin. no more. u like me yay u dont BYE. point blnk period im not workin for shit man im a good ass friend & a good ass girl for any nigga that wants to treat me good same applies to females. but i gain absolutely nothng from ppl i dont like liking me. or anyone for that matter. i came to college to get an education.
fuck the bullshit im done. no more
boy i like..LIKED. hear he likes MY FRIEND. said he didnt like me, so he could talk to her. no more lookin real dumb for a dude. im here thinkin this ones worh workin for newsflash anyone who doesnt see value in you as a human being never will.
why cant i have colors in my letter anymore??
anyway. i like to make others happy. & they suck it out of me like a leach im done. no one deserves more than someone whos feelings for them r unconditional & wants to make them happy. no one. & no one deservs less. not even me. who the fuck are you????
no more. it is what it is and its not what its not from now on. & u will see the change, "haha".
i realize now...im not who i used to be. couldntgo back if i wanted to and i dont. i LIKE who i am now. cuz its me. thats the risk you take when u decide to be real. you risk ppl calling you fake. but this is me. & theres nothing fucing wrong with it there is something wrong with you. fcking sheep in a herd.
iv got love in my heart swear i just wann give it away. but im not. not anymore not for free. cheers to new beginnings. & to the new me. mark my words.
jesse james
Friday, March 26, 2010
homeward bound
k all week i been threatenin to go home. today I think i actually will lmao
told my ex id sped time w. em. smh. that ship sunk so long ago
& hes like the last passenger hanging on to a lose plank.
but its his bday soo. well tomorrow is.
panic at the disco - the only difference
anyway i wanna go to warehouse live tonight
BUT i dont wanna waste an outfit. cause the ones i bought yday r somewhat epic & i dont wanna waste em lol& stand in line. & ratchetivity levels r always high @ that place. sooo ill problyjust hit up "frontier fiesta" [what is that] with the bandits today, see what that be like.
note: you know u miss someone when u go to their facebook @ least 3 times a day just to see their face. smh
& u kn u LIKE em when ur scared to go to their twitter cuz u dont wanna see somethin u wont like lol
paramore- decode
the city of angels soundtrack is beast. [random]
anyway so im deciding what i wanna do. today has started off well=]
told my ex id sped time w. em. smh. that ship sunk so long ago
& hes like the last passenger hanging on to a lose plank.
but its his bday soo. well tomorrow is.
panic at the disco - the only difference
anyway i wanna go to warehouse live tonight
BUT i dont wanna waste an outfit. cause the ones i bought yday r somewhat epic & i dont wanna waste em lol& stand in line. & ratchetivity levels r always high @ that place. sooo ill problyjust hit up "frontier fiesta" [what is that] with the bandits today, see what that be like.
note: you know u miss someone when u go to their facebook @ least 3 times a day just to see their face. smh
& u kn u LIKE em when ur scared to go to their twitter cuz u dont wanna see somethin u wont like lol
paramore- decode
the city of angels soundtrack is beast. [random]
anyway so im deciding what i wanna do. today has started off well=]
perfect
so glad i went out.
there was so much love in that place tonight
call me corny. im a flower child
i love that shit.
made a new friend. ALL my niggas were there.
& not one single person i disike!
i loved every second of it
wejust danced the night away
i actually danced with a few people [my friends]
which i never do.
it was too much fun. i drank cranberry juice.
i loooove to dance!!
& if ever i was unsure about whati want..like if it was a person.
i know now. sad thing is.. i cant have it. i just knw. shit never works out. so
ill leave it at that. wish i coul tell em.
anyway the shit got shut down cuz of a really ratchett fight & i almost got cut in half by a table twin saved my life. i love her=]
so..forthe first time this week i can say i had a very very good day. ive been made aware of all my blessings...it gets rough sometimes..but im honestly in no position to complain. amazing.
hearts..
there was so much love in that place tonight
call me corny. im a flower child
i love that shit.
made a new friend. ALL my niggas were there.
& not one single person i disike!
i loved every second of it
wejust danced the night away
i actually danced with a few people [my friends]
which i never do.
it was too much fun. i drank cranberry juice.
i loooove to dance!!
& if ever i was unsure about whati want..like if it was a person.
i know now. sad thing is.. i cant have it. i just knw. shit never works out. so
ill leave it at that. wish i coul tell em.
anyway the shit got shut down cuz of a really ratchett fight & i almost got cut in half by a table twin saved my life. i love her=]
so..forthe first time this week i can say i had a very very good day. ive been made aware of all my blessings...it gets rough sometimes..but im honestly in no position to complain. amazing.
hearts..
Thursday, March 25, 2010
hittin the streets
im sittin here with my friend Sandra
she watchin lil flip...on ustream for some random reason..
this nigga is not interesting lol
nyway so me & my twin are goin out tonight
Rehab we gon see what that be like.. i realy like it fr some reason
wonder why.
anyway but we went shoppin. bout a few outfits im set for the next couple outtings.
this ngga shoutn out abilene texas... wow..ur wack
anyway back to the topic at hand
yea im waitin for twin to get off work
my outfits go fed. i LOVE fashion but only mine
i hate trends
i follow very few.
let these hoes hate woop! lol..i love it when i have random thug moments
& im done. but im excited=] looks somethin like this
^the pic of rihanna. but not really. lol anyway k love u bye
loyalty
i hate how i do this thing.
where i decide i like a person. then i latch onto them like freaking old yeller.
& i dont talk to anyone else.
i care about this fool. smh
he does me foul consistently.
as usual im invisible.
i been liked him like STRICTLY off personality, before i even seen em
& he keeps testing me.
now he just doesnt even see me. & its reallynot ok.
all these other groupies & bops i wanna slap em like
get off his shit you dont even know em
all i wanna do is know everything about him
i love his effing voice. & everything he says
& his mannerisms are so adorable
sometimes i do wanna rape him cause hes sexy i wont lie
but most the time i just wanna be around em
cause hes beautiful & hes funny & hes smart & i feel like were alike somehow
and hes BIG lol i like layin with em cuz hes big & im little haah i feel all warm & cuddly hhaha
but alas, im retarded. because as usual this boy knows not that im alive.
he doesnt see that i am the one that really likes him for who he is.
& i am really turned off by the whole status thing, the 38594867 diff flirtacious relationships, & all that other shit. but id over look it. easily.
i mean fuck.
&i cant tell em. i just cant yall.. like foreal. last time i told a nigga how i felt he DIPPED. i wnt hve it again.
where i decide i like a person. then i latch onto them like freaking old yeller.
& i dont talk to anyone else.
i care about this fool. smh
he does me foul consistently.
as usual im invisible.
i been liked him like STRICTLY off personality, before i even seen em
& he keeps testing me.
now he just doesnt even see me. & its reallynot ok.
all these other groupies & bops i wanna slap em like
get off his shit you dont even know em
all i wanna do is know everything about him
i love his effing voice. & everything he says
& his mannerisms are so adorable
sometimes i do wanna rape him cause hes sexy i wont lie
but most the time i just wanna be around em
cause hes beautiful & hes funny & hes smart & i feel like were alike somehow
and hes BIG lol i like layin with em cuz hes big & im little haah i feel all warm & cuddly hhaha
but alas, im retarded. because as usual this boy knows not that im alive.
he doesnt see that i am the one that really likes him for who he is.
& i am really turned off by the whole status thing, the 38594867 diff flirtacious relationships, & all that other shit. but id over look it. easily.
i mean fuck.
&i cant tell em. i just cant yall.. like foreal. last time i told a nigga how i felt he DIPPED. i wnt hve it again.
hmmm
excuse me little momma
but u culd say im on duty
im lookin for a cutie
a real big ol ghetto booty
i really like ur kitty kat
& if u let me touch her
i kno ur not a bluffer
ill take u to go c usher
nikki minaaj...is too fine. like..that white girl too. keep playin.
get raped.
that song goes TOO FED. like..wet dream fed. new fav video. i could watch it over & over. i swear they need to cast my ass in one of these videos. therewill be nolack of WOOORRRKKK lmao
all the festivities this weekend. im not going. im detoxing. gettin tired of the night life. needa go home for some t-l-motherfuckin-c cuz u for damn sure dont get no love here smh! lol
slightly better mood today
but u culd say im on duty
im lookin for a cutie
a real big ol ghetto booty
i really like ur kitty kat
& if u let me touch her
i kno ur not a bluffer
ill take u to go c usher
nikki minaaj...is too fine. like..that white girl too. keep playin.
get raped.
that song goes TOO FED. like..wet dream fed. new fav video. i could watch it over & over. i swear they need to cast my ass in one of these videos. therewill be nolack of WOOORRRKKK lmao
all the festivities this weekend. im not going. im detoxing. gettin tired of the night life. needa go home for some t-l-motherfuckin-c cuz u for damn sure dont get no love here smh! lol
slightly better mood today
scars & souvenirs
ialready had my tongue pierced. i wish i didnt so i could do it again. anyway i got snake bites. inch & a half. on the sameday that i got my new tattoo.
i was sad fr a few day after i got it. cause i felt dumb. nowall the moms will make fun of me when my kids are in school. m sure people will foreverbe telling me to grow up. But for some reason, iget this feeling i never would have fit in anyway. I dont thinkIll a regular person much longer.
lll be famous one day. & i can do what the fuck I want. why not start now. These assholes already act like im a celebrity.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
tattoos
sooo.. tell me thats not amazing. im fascinated. we all know..actually a lot of people dont..but i love art. i draw all the time my imagination is WILd & im always lookin for something for satiety of my crazy colors in my mind. nothing fits. the idea that you can DECORATE the body omg. like i can draw things.and put it ON MYSELF. amazing.
& it hurts. i love hings that hurt..and result in somthing pretty. like piercngs & tatoos. used to be a wrist cutter. now i have 8 tattoos and 8 piercings. pretty.
fascination.
this bitch is gorgeous. I love her style!! [and yes I do see he similiarities between hers and mine] it hs always been that way. But i think why I really like her is because shes strong. Ths woman got her ass beat. by the man that she LOVED. & she went back to him like we always do..but the reason she really left..just made me love her even more.
her interview with Diane sawyer got me.
She was concerned about how other people saw her. About how peopl look up to her
she found strength in that to set a good example. Obviously Im obsessed with the whole Good Girl Gone Bad concept. But most people dont nderstand why. People are stupid all he time. Good people get done wrong because its easy.
Strength isnt the avoidance of pain. Its the triumph over it.Ive alwas been fascinated by human emotion. and still am. hince, all the tats. but this really really encompasses everything about me. just beatin odds with a bat my whole life. It was not foretold by common sense and logic for m to be where I am. I did this withthe help of God and almost no one ese though I do have to geive credit to my amazing friends and family. I'll never claim to be one deep. Even though it does feel that way sometimes. Goodgirl gone bad..is just when you finally stop taking shit. You finally get fed up. You dont lose your mind & start doin drugs & fucking everyone. You just stop living for a dude or anyone else & start living for yourself. Ive got a folder of pics & diff shit from Rihanna just because she inspires me THAT much. I see myself in her. If i ever get to meet her I hope I get the chanceto tellher.
status quo
frustrated. it sucks liking somebody. everyone has baggage. culd b this EX they dont tell you about. thats the worst but thats old.
STATUS to me is baggage. even tho it is said that that is what i shoot for. smh.
i hate it. people all in your business. groupies galore. you dont wanna ask ?s cuz u actually dont wanna know. you gotta put on a smile cuz the second u look like u havin problems some other bitch is waitin to take your place.
& these niggas flirt with everybody..so how do u know if they like you?
they just gas you..
i KNOW who i like. & honestly, im going to start today trying to get over it. because i dont think i can get past the status thing. it annoys the fuck out of me.
im gunna tke a break from the world..& see if a couple people forget about me.
cause i dont want status anymore. never really did to be truthful.
sucks when u walk in the door & ppl alread have their preconcieved notions of you.
*kicks pedistal over*
moving to my rainforest. asap.
STATUS to me is baggage. even tho it is said that that is what i shoot for. smh.
i hate it. people all in your business. groupies galore. you dont wanna ask ?s cuz u actually dont wanna know. you gotta put on a smile cuz the second u look like u havin problems some other bitch is waitin to take your place.
& these niggas flirt with everybody..so how do u know if they like you?
they just gas you..
i KNOW who i like. & honestly, im going to start today trying to get over it. because i dont think i can get past the status thing. it annoys the fuck out of me.
im gunna tke a break from the world..& see if a couple people forget about me.
cause i dont want status anymore. never really did to be truthful.
sucks when u walk in the door & ppl alread have their preconcieved notions of you.
*kicks pedistal over*
moving to my rainforest. asap.
You
Everyone. Please just dont talk to me.
I woke up feeling "so not in the mood".
I'm not evenmad I'm numb.
From like putting up wth shit off these little immature children for so long.
No one takes anything seriously, or they take eerything TOO seriously.
The whole "time and place" thing doesntapply.
Its super fun because everyone is 5 but they think they know everything.
Its always the same.
Boys say they want this girl & that girl but when they find her they dog her.
shut the fuck up.
Girls bitch about their friends, to the friends they ignore, that could BE that friend if theyd let them. But people dont want what they say they want. They want the problem so they can complain.
shut te fuck up.
Girls..there this underlying tension..we all talk about eachothe.r if youre polite, you do is discretely to your friend thats not their friend just to get it off your chest. but suppose you & that friend fall off & for that reason they become friends with the other persn, shespills your shit, you look like a dick.
shut the fuck up.
im going to stop venting at all. & stop not liiig anyone i dont know. because im fuckin friendly im going to end up meeting this person & well become friends & then some ass will come & be like WELL BEFORE..
shut the fuck up.
My sister just cancelled our plans today. sigh. Im surely going home.
[can you tell i woke up in a bad mood?]
Its like youre happy allthe time & they throw rocks at you until you finally get a little pissed off then they call you a bitch.
shut the fuck up.
Boy, if you just want to use me. Dont go around being all adorable & shit & spending time making me like you. Ifyou wanna fuck, just say so. Actually dont. Just dont tak to me, instead..
shut the fuck up.
But do not blow my head up with a bunch of bullshit having me think youre all sweet & shit. & youe not. you get mad because i refuse to hop on the d. what the fuck are u in the market for? u have enough groupies. i do not have it in me to bop on you. not after the last thing tha went dwn.
I cant stand here & have u leaving me all the time. Theres 982357475985798 reasons why thi will nver work and you wont even give me 1 why it would. & all that 1 would have to be is that you treat me good but you dont.
I kno im not bout to find a man in college. even though lots of people do. whatever. but ppl NEED a companion like they need food yall. so im itting here starving, distrcting myself w/ other shit as often as possible but everytime im alone i realize once again IM STILL STARVING. its worsethan food cuz u dont die. you survive and you jus sit there starving. sohell no youre not gunn be picky!! BITCH IM HUNGRY. i want nourishment. so we fall for the first dude that shows ussome attention. they stand right by our teeth and when we go to take a bite they leave. smh. [girls do the same im sure] but FUCK when can i get some food?!!! Im alone in the effingworld of tangible things. I got me & God & thats all i need but id love someone I could touch. It has been a long time since I was right about a dude & it gets OLD. you wanna give up but you cant cuz YOURE STARVING. Your life will revolve around it til you get it.
Set me free. All theseeffing feelings. holding them back. death to that.
and everyone gassing me up with your HORRIBLE intentions go to hell!! & shut the fuck up.
fineprint: i love my life im just a little ticked off right now=] it was bound to happens sometime.
I woke up feeling "so not in the mood".
I'm not evenmad I'm numb.
From like putting up wth shit off these little immature children for so long.
No one takes anything seriously, or they take eerything TOO seriously.
The whole "time and place" thing doesntapply.
Its super fun because everyone is 5 but they think they know everything.
Its always the same.
Boys say they want this girl & that girl but when they find her they dog her.
shut the fuck up.
Girls bitch about their friends, to the friends they ignore, that could BE that friend if theyd let them. But people dont want what they say they want. They want the problem so they can complain.
shut te fuck up.
Girls..there this underlying tension..we all talk about eachothe.r if youre polite, you do is discretely to your friend thats not their friend just to get it off your chest. but suppose you & that friend fall off & for that reason they become friends with the other persn, shespills your shit, you look like a dick.
shut the fuck up.
im going to stop venting at all. & stop not liiig anyone i dont know. because im fuckin friendly im going to end up meeting this person & well become friends & then some ass will come & be like WELL BEFORE..
shut the fuck up.
My sister just cancelled our plans today. sigh. Im surely going home.
[can you tell i woke up in a bad mood?]
Its like youre happy allthe time & they throw rocks at you until you finally get a little pissed off then they call you a bitch.
shut the fuck up.
Boy, if you just want to use me. Dont go around being all adorable & shit & spending time making me like you. Ifyou wanna fuck, just say so. Actually dont. Just dont tak to me, instead..
shut the fuck up.
But do not blow my head up with a bunch of bullshit having me think youre all sweet & shit. & youe not. you get mad because i refuse to hop on the d. what the fuck are u in the market for? u have enough groupies. i do not have it in me to bop on you. not after the last thing tha went dwn.
I cant stand here & have u leaving me all the time. Theres 982357475985798 reasons why thi will nver work and you wont even give me 1 why it would. & all that 1 would have to be is that you treat me good but you dont.
I kno im not bout to find a man in college. even though lots of people do. whatever. but ppl NEED a companion like they need food yall. so im itting here starving, distrcting myself w/ other shit as often as possible but everytime im alone i realize once again IM STILL STARVING. its worsethan food cuz u dont die. you survive and you jus sit there starving. sohell no youre not gunn be picky!! BITCH IM HUNGRY. i want nourishment. so we fall for the first dude that shows ussome attention. they stand right by our teeth and when we go to take a bite they leave. smh. [girls do the same im sure] but FUCK when can i get some food?!!! Im alone in the effingworld of tangible things. I got me & God & thats all i need but id love someone I could touch. It has been a long time since I was right about a dude & it gets OLD. you wanna give up but you cant cuz YOURE STARVING. Your life will revolve around it til you get it.
Set me free. All theseeffing feelings. holding them back. death to that.
and everyone gassing me up with your HORRIBLE intentions go to hell!! & shut the fuck up.
fineprint: i love my life im just a little ticked off right now=] it was bound to happens sometime.
Im a fairy.
Get from behind me or I'll clap you with my wings.
then ill fly high up & shit on you.
No one understands me.
Think i need to hit em with my jimmy. That seems to work everytime.
then ill fly high up & shit on you.
No one understands me.
Think i need to hit em with my jimmy. That seems to work everytime.
what am i going to do with my life
i just want to be free. feels like im always havin to do shit i do not want to do..just to survive. all i need is food & water ...God put everything on the Earth that we need. But thanks to capitalism we have to pay MAN for it now, like its his.
So i guess i gotta get a job. gotta eat. Guess ill just do wha I have to to be able to do what i want. ill get a job, go to school so i can get a better one one day, and then in my spare time i'll do what i want.
i.e. tattoos. piercings. drawing. writing. watching disney movies. dancing.
i jumped on the bed today. fantasy is my favorite pansy song
i hve to workout tomorrow. its hard to do without a partner days. sigh. slippin. i got it. though. I wanna compete in April. ooweee got a ways to go lol I got it though.
going to sleep. flying.
So i guess i gotta get a job. gotta eat. Guess ill just do wha I have to to be able to do what i want. ill get a job, go to school so i can get a better one one day, and then in my spare time i'll do what i want.
i.e. tattoos. piercings. drawing. writing. watching disney movies. dancing.
i jumped on the bed today. fantasy is my favorite pansy song
i hve to workout tomorrow. its hard to do without a partner days. sigh. slippin. i got it. though. I wanna compete in April. ooweee got a ways to go lol I got it though.
going to sleep. flying.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
i like to make new friends
this is my twin phuong <<<
i love these girls. i had decided not to go to Padre cause i thought i was gunna get a job I didnt get, it was actually a rough week.. & then they called me randomly to go with them & [perfect timing] we did it on the cheap & had a bleeping BLAST!! I HAD THE EFFING TIME OF MY LIFE in padre like..i would never ever trade those memories for anything & i love these damn girls!!
were the typ of chicks to roll down the windows in the mustang & blare the Britney out the speakers. whats good.
woop!!!!!
Congratulations - Drake
Cry for Help.
People write psychology books about people like me. I think Im schizophrenic.. Im paranoid. Or am I right? I've obviously got at least two different personalities.. if we start onlywith the grownup nd te child. But thts a different disorder. & we wont start on my actual disorder. The funny thing is Im not sad, normally... I like me. Its other people that seem to have the problem.
Blink 182- I miss you
I like this song. I feel like a fairy flying around in a coloful place. Where I bleeping belong. & no one stares at me. or judges me cause Im wierd or bold. Sometimes I want to paint the walls colors. Sometimes I want to paint them black.
I really am trying to wear less black..my nails are purple. its a start.
I have 7 hearts tattooed on me right now. 8 tattoos total. Got that good girl gone bad shit on me... people seem to forget what I WENT THROUGH up until this point... just because they hink THEYRE hurting ... so now I'll always remember. what does it matter Ill never be in Corporate effing america.
Will i ever find a damn job where I can be me? Shouldve moved to LA when I had the chance.
People dont know why i cut my hair. Partly because Im insane. & i was angry. Im tired of people getting so caught up in what they see they stop looking...so theyre completely missing the inside shit. so i chopped it of hoping to be a little less physically distracting. didnt work. soon enough, hlf my friends had bobs. sigh.
so i gt mad again...another heartbroken "i wanna die" type night, & i was lookin for some adreniline i suppose. couldnt get a tat..so i called my sister & she drove over to cut it.
if I wasnt mad before Im mad now.
But back to my hair...i almost wanted to be ugly. People do not understand how hard it is to be me. Its not this glamorous fucking joyride. Its a freaking burden. People who dont even know me hate me. Call me a bop. Call me a flirt, a "status hoe" thats the new one. & Im just in he dark.
Apparently Im the devil.
This happens so often. and always has. & Im really like..Im nice. I try to do right always. People screwed the shit out of Jesus and he was a sweetheartanyway. he never fought back. dont tell me Im wrong. Do what you want to me I can take it.
I hate this place. I want to go where I am loved so ilive how He instructs... screw people.
Take your hypocrisy..youre awful =[
Im okay. Just... taking some...away from the world time.
Actually Im moving to the rainforest. to a tree. in Brazil. I will live in nature where the animals & the flowers will be my friends and I will b free from capitalism and meanies.
I think the Europeans ruined everything..the Indians had the right idea. But obviously Im a flower child. Ill get into that later.
I just want to be free
to be me. & have fun. & just be at peace. & I want everyon else to be free too and at peace. The world sucks sometimes. God must be very mad at us. =[ its sad.
If youre happy and energetic people call you naive.
It no place for a bleeding heart.
I had an opportunity to snitch...and finally let out my anger on the person who made me this way... you watched the movie...you liked it...did you know it was true. did you know it was about him? ..
I lied to protect someone...and of course my enemies came & made sure shegot hurt anyway just to spite me.
You wouldnt want to end up like me..with your hair all gone...with multiple holes in yur face & the scars to prove what youve seen...
no nes a victim I know. But people realy overlook WHO ALL gets hurt in a situation. theyre all caught up in their own shit. The list is long...it wasnt just me. & thats what gets me.
When did I become so stupid.
I swear to yo..status means nothing tome. I want to be loved. BAD. & id give up anything to hve that. i cant let the chancego by. Ill deal with the consequences if just once I might be right. I have this heart FULL of love to give away...& no one wants it. They just persecute me. Call me names, kick me around, pretend to b my friend but theyre just holding back what they really want to say.
Fallout Boy- Me & You
I try. You can ask much more of me if you dont. No ones perfect. Honestly, Im just a loving, affectionate person. I didnt grow up with that. Never recieved it. Psychologically it makes sense that Im compensating. But im dealing with rebellious children. Who dont know who they are. I know who I am. like it...will not change. guess thats an issue.
It hurts when people you LOVE hate you. & you hear what they say. but fuck it. this is college. this happens to me like 3 times a year. Im used to it. Do i lik it? no. do i think its deserved? no. would i everdo this to someone? no. but what canya do
I want to be a fairy. But a big one. not a little one. I want to live in a big pretty jungle like fern gully. where everyone understands and is one. I want to fly when I feel high above the ground. And land somewhere else. at night when the sky is pretty and I want to see the stars up close that is what i want to do.
When I walk, I feel like a child. I look at pictures of myselfas an awkward nerdy goofy kid..and I see myself. when I look in the mirror I dont see me. I see...someone else. No matter what I do. I ant change it. I cant mke it into something.So i dress it up like a doll for whatevr I feel like that day. I call it MUlan syndrome.
When I walk i know there are eyes on me. I hold onto my smile because I know a frown on this fce will make the front page. Every now & then i slip & fall. if someone sees, its news. Like ive been given this & that... never shed a tear. Like i dnt know wha problems feel like. I choose to take life how it is...and make the best of every momnt. negativity repels me. but they want to take me down.
& im feeling vulnerable. because i dont know who i can trust. they say you cant trust anyone and that mybe true but what a sad world to live in that way. i defy.
Im just going to keep bein me and doing the best I can until God rolls out the carpet and takes me where I need to be but they will not steal my joy and i will not return the hate.
Paramore- Emergency
Theresone person I actually have a feeling or two for. But i dont trust him. i do not think that his intentions are true. & i can tell by thelack of surprise in his eyes he doesnot see me. He makes me feel good when Im aound him though. I think hes adorable. I recognize his child-like spirit..same as mine. & i could probably never get tired of him. But I am right now. because he ...like the rest.. is looking right through me. & i know were no on the same page. he could do a lot of damage with his neglegent ways... i dont have the capacity to chase anyone.. i know im a good person *& will treat dude like a prince. so really.. i just cant giveit away to just anyway. not anymore.
dear last guy, YOU RUINED MY LIFE
rejection is not fun. I have issues with people leaving me...and he does it a lot. so Im keeping my distance. i know he wont change his ways. & Ive been warned. byseveral. Im sure hes been warnd about me. Hes still the only one I'd talk to if I decided to. Probably in a heartbeat if Im honest. But.... fuck. i dont wanna fall in love anymore. Yes i do. But shit, why?
I'll wait. My taste is obviously flaw. I know God didnt fill my heart with love to just stand behind a wall smashing into it like water behind a dam. He's got something in mind.
Im thinking no more UH dudes. If you knew how deep these cuts were...you'd feel really bad for thoselemons youve been squeezing.
Keep it comin bro. Theres realy nothing I cant handle. No fear.
Blink 182- I miss you
I like this song. I feel like a fairy flying around in a coloful place. Where I bleeping belong. & no one stares at me. or judges me cause Im wierd or bold. Sometimes I want to paint the walls colors. Sometimes I want to paint them black.
I really am trying to wear less black..my nails are purple. its a start.
I have 7 hearts tattooed on me right now. 8 tattoos total. Got that good girl gone bad shit on me... people seem to forget what I WENT THROUGH up until this point... just because they hink THEYRE hurting ... so now I'll always remember. what does it matter Ill never be in Corporate effing america.
Will i ever find a damn job where I can be me? Shouldve moved to LA when I had the chance.
People dont know why i cut my hair. Partly because Im insane. & i was angry. Im tired of people getting so caught up in what they see they stop looking...so theyre completely missing the inside shit. so i chopped it of hoping to be a little less physically distracting. didnt work. soon enough, hlf my friends had bobs. sigh.
so i gt mad again...another heartbroken "i wanna die" type night, & i was lookin for some adreniline i suppose. couldnt get a tat..so i called my sister & she drove over to cut it.
if I wasnt mad before Im mad now.
But back to my hair...i almost wanted to be ugly. People do not understand how hard it is to be me. Its not this glamorous fucking joyride. Its a freaking burden. People who dont even know me hate me. Call me a bop. Call me a flirt, a "status hoe" thats the new one. & Im just in he dark.
Apparently Im the devil.
This happens so often. and always has. & Im really like..Im nice. I try to do right always. People screwed the shit out of Jesus and he was a sweetheartanyway. he never fought back. dont tell me Im wrong. Do what you want to me I can take it.
I hate this place. I want to go where I am loved so ilive how He instructs... screw people.
Take your hypocrisy..youre awful =[
Im okay. Just... taking some...away from the world time.
Actually Im moving to the rainforest. to a tree. in Brazil. I will live in nature where the animals & the flowers will be my friends and I will b free from capitalism and meanies.
I think the Europeans ruined everything..the Indians had the right idea. But obviously Im a flower child. Ill get into that later.
I just want to be free
to be me. & have fun. & just be at peace. & I want everyon else to be free too and at peace. The world sucks sometimes. God must be very mad at us. =[ its sad.
If youre happy and energetic people call you naive.
It no place for a bleeding heart.
I had an opportunity to snitch...and finally let out my anger on the person who made me this way... you watched the movie...you liked it...did you know it was true. did you know it was about him? ..
I lied to protect someone...and of course my enemies came & made sure shegot hurt anyway just to spite me.
You wouldnt want to end up like me..with your hair all gone...with multiple holes in yur face & the scars to prove what youve seen...
no nes a victim I know. But people realy overlook WHO ALL gets hurt in a situation. theyre all caught up in their own shit. The list is long...it wasnt just me. & thats what gets me.
When did I become so stupid.
I swear to yo..status means nothing tome. I want to be loved. BAD. & id give up anything to hve that. i cant let the chancego by. Ill deal with the consequences if just once I might be right. I have this heart FULL of love to give away...& no one wants it. They just persecute me. Call me names, kick me around, pretend to b my friend but theyre just holding back what they really want to say.
Fallout Boy- Me & You
I try. You can ask much more of me if you dont. No ones perfect. Honestly, Im just a loving, affectionate person. I didnt grow up with that. Never recieved it. Psychologically it makes sense that Im compensating. But im dealing with rebellious children. Who dont know who they are. I know who I am. like it...will not change. guess thats an issue.
It hurts when people you LOVE hate you. & you hear what they say. but fuck it. this is college. this happens to me like 3 times a year. Im used to it. Do i lik it? no. do i think its deserved? no. would i everdo this to someone? no. but what canya do
I want to be a fairy. But a big one. not a little one. I want to live in a big pretty jungle like fern gully. where everyone understands and is one. I want to fly when I feel high above the ground. And land somewhere else. at night when the sky is pretty and I want to see the stars up close that is what i want to do.
When I walk, I feel like a child. I look at pictures of myselfas an awkward nerdy goofy kid..and I see myself. when I look in the mirror I dont see me. I see...someone else. No matter what I do. I ant change it. I cant mke it into something.So i dress it up like a doll for whatevr I feel like that day. I call it MUlan syndrome.
When I walk i know there are eyes on me. I hold onto my smile because I know a frown on this fce will make the front page. Every now & then i slip & fall. if someone sees, its news. Like ive been given this & that... never shed a tear. Like i dnt know wha problems feel like. I choose to take life how it is...and make the best of every momnt. negativity repels me. but they want to take me down.
& im feeling vulnerable. because i dont know who i can trust. they say you cant trust anyone and that mybe true but what a sad world to live in that way. i defy.
Im just going to keep bein me and doing the best I can until God rolls out the carpet and takes me where I need to be but they will not steal my joy and i will not return the hate.
Paramore- Emergency
Theresone person I actually have a feeling or two for. But i dont trust him. i do not think that his intentions are true. & i can tell by thelack of surprise in his eyes he doesnot see me. He makes me feel good when Im aound him though. I think hes adorable. I recognize his child-like spirit..same as mine. & i could probably never get tired of him. But I am right now. because he ...like the rest.. is looking right through me. & i know were no on the same page. he could do a lot of damage with his neglegent ways... i dont have the capacity to chase anyone.. i know im a good person *& will treat dude like a prince. so really.. i just cant giveit away to just anyway. not anymore.
dear last guy, YOU RUINED MY LIFE
rejection is not fun. I have issues with people leaving me...and he does it a lot. so Im keeping my distance. i know he wont change his ways. & Ive been warned. byseveral. Im sure hes been warnd about me. Hes still the only one I'd talk to if I decided to. Probably in a heartbeat if Im honest. But.... fuck. i dont wanna fall in love anymore. Yes i do. But shit, why?
I'll wait. My taste is obviously flaw. I know God didnt fill my heart with love to just stand behind a wall smashing into it like water behind a dam. He's got something in mind.
Im thinking no more UH dudes. If you knew how deep these cuts were...you'd feel really bad for thoselemons youve been squeezing.
Keep it comin bro. Theres realy nothing I cant handle. No fear.
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