to the entire class today-i was doing my effing work. when i asked for the answer no one had it, yall didnt do the work and no one seemed to care that we're all going to get those fucking answers WWRONG BECAUSE YALL DIDNT DO SHIT!
BUT YOU SILENCED ME.
feel good about that because next class i will not be talking
no matter what I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY GOT DAMN EVERYTIME I OPEN MY MTHERFUCKIN MOUTH SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS
to the teacher- you made me cry so much this year you dont know what people go through you cant just attack them like that. you literally contributed to one of the depest lows of my life. yes i am bipolar and you can tell yourself you couldnt have known, but you COULD have exercised more care in how you fucking talk to kids. were not all forty in your cool kids club. its obvious who your motherfucking favorites are and that is so wrong
i fucking hate every class now because obviously i dont have whatever fucking interpersonal skills i need to coexist with people and no matter how much i fucking study these motherfuckers IM STILL PERPLEXED WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT
and there must be at least 15 people i want to ask WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
i need help but i cant like take time off to heal so all i get is hurt people fucking feed on the negativity i feel
as for that family
i dont ever wanna go there again. maybe way later in the year. but only for a few days
i dont know how to tell him and it sucks cause i wanna be with him all the time
but i do not like that fmaily
i dont l;ike to be stared at and monitored and questions every five seconds and for everyone to tell me im hurting their feelings or im being rude
YOURE HURTING MY FEELINGS
with all this built up anger how will i ever fucking recover? seriously
i need to be unirritated for a while and the wounds will heal over time
right now i need to worry about protecting myself
because they get irritated every fucking day
i dont like oxygen magazine
kiss my ass
youre all so perfect
all look the same all boring
all with the same poses and outfits and face
not everyone can be in your fuckass little club and you make sure everyone knows
fuck all your im so awesome photogs who feel justified and being a DICK to me
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
a new view on life
Id love to say its a ;positive one
but its not.
however, before i get into how i see the world now, let me say that having a less positive view is not all bad
& im not gunna take the pessimist stance of "im just being realistic"
it took more effort to be optimistic.
that is "finding" the good in stuff
right now..i think i see the world more realistically
for years...most my life
no matter how many times i try to change
'ive worshipped people
ive done everything iv ever done to seek their approval
their love
to be good enough
its never worked
why? because people are evil
read the bible. people are and have always been mean. even little children are evil.
no one is innocent UNTIL proven that way
i dont have to pretend to like people i dont
i dont have to bust my butt to make friends with "important" people because no ones improtant
i dont need a lot of friends
'im an introvert
i dont like people
i dont want to be around them'
if i want to be seen thats not why
but you know what i dont even want to be seen anymore
im tired of people staring at me montiorting my mood monitoring my behavior
i dont consider any of these people my friends
except a select few
i dont like many people
& im sorry but i couldnt help them moreso when i pretended to
or tried to force myself to see good that wasnt there
im sure God will point me to the people im supposed to help
and if i see the opportunity ill help someone if they need me
ive helped a lot of freaking people
and ive been nice to a lot of people who didnt deserve it
i will continue to be nice
to a point.
& ill pray and continue to look for the most effective behavior in situations
but im pretty over everyone
i dont like some of the people i work with
im not going to pretend to
and i will not kiss a single ass
im not gunna start conversations anymore
today i talked very little and i liked it a lot more
when i did talk
i got attacked
i find that happens a lot
so blog you are my new release
i do not trust a single human being on this fucking planet
i mean i trust my aunt, my bf, SOME friends..
i have 3 in particular that i aknowledge. mostly 2.
but yea, but they cant help me. complaining cant help me. & it is a huge waste of energy
and i dont want to give people free ish anymore
they dont get to know my personal stuff
not a single bit unless they ask
good news bad news
has nothing to do with anyone i know
my answers will always be short & only answering what people ask
they dont get to know me. they can assume whatever they want
especially at work
as long as im doing my job they can kiss my damn ass cause i been nothing but nice since i got their and im sick of these bitches
tomorrow i get to work with two people i actually like so thats good
but im jus tlike..
i gotta stop staring at people
aiming to be like people
paying money, time, and energy to be on PEOPLEs good side
which has never ever paid off
not one time
it hasnt gotten me promoted as it shouldve
it hasnt earned me money
it hasnt done anything
nothing ive done for others in exchange for their approval has worked
so im cool with the few friends i have and the rest i dont even care if i ever speak to again
much less if they like me
i dont want to be around people
i dont want to talk to them
hear about them
cause i dont care
the only person i shouldve been seekin all this time was God
and the only person who can improve my life or my self other than Him is me
i like my self
i think im awesome
and people can literally kiss my motherfucking ass with their selfish and unimpressive super exclusive day ruining asses
i do not like that teacher but i dont have to talk about it
i dont everhave to share my opinions
at all
only here
from now on i dont need anyone to know anything about me
i dont need their freaking approval
i dont care if they like me or not
neither is a benefit as long as they leave me alone and let me do me then im fine
i just think i should keep everything to myself
and shut up
people dont deserve extra
only what they need or ask for
if that
no im not better than everyone
but all i can do is me
and they are not better than me
theres not a sole on this EARTH i should strive to be like
thats it. no more.
i dont like people
sharing my opinions...no good can come frm it
so i wont
and people will not know what im thinking unless it can directly effect the situation in a way i want it tp
im done being a doormat
i dont give a fuck to be quite honest
i dont wannt to be a bad person but i want nothing to do with people either
i actually...i like this me better
cause this is the real me
this is how i actually feel
and ive been fake for a long time
thats why things havent been woprking out
God has shown me what is important
im done fucking worrying
and caring
cause its stupid
im over it
my calling with show itself in due time
til then i just wanna do what im supposed to do o enjoy my life
and take steps now to enjoy it more later
but its not.
however, before i get into how i see the world now, let me say that having a less positive view is not all bad
& im not gunna take the pessimist stance of "im just being realistic"
it took more effort to be optimistic.
that is "finding" the good in stuff
right now..i think i see the world more realistically
for years...most my life
no matter how many times i try to change
'ive worshipped people
ive done everything iv ever done to seek their approval
their love
to be good enough
its never worked
why? because people are evil
read the bible. people are and have always been mean. even little children are evil.
no one is innocent UNTIL proven that way
i dont have to pretend to like people i dont
i dont have to bust my butt to make friends with "important" people because no ones improtant
i dont need a lot of friends
'im an introvert
i dont like people
i dont want to be around them'
if i want to be seen thats not why
but you know what i dont even want to be seen anymore
im tired of people staring at me montiorting my mood monitoring my behavior
i dont consider any of these people my friends
except a select few
i dont like many people
& im sorry but i couldnt help them moreso when i pretended to
or tried to force myself to see good that wasnt there
im sure God will point me to the people im supposed to help
and if i see the opportunity ill help someone if they need me
ive helped a lot of freaking people
and ive been nice to a lot of people who didnt deserve it
i will continue to be nice
to a point.
& ill pray and continue to look for the most effective behavior in situations
but im pretty over everyone
i dont like some of the people i work with
im not going to pretend to
and i will not kiss a single ass
im not gunna start conversations anymore
today i talked very little and i liked it a lot more
when i did talk
i got attacked
i find that happens a lot
so blog you are my new release
i do not trust a single human being on this fucking planet
i mean i trust my aunt, my bf, SOME friends..
i have 3 in particular that i aknowledge. mostly 2.
but yea, but they cant help me. complaining cant help me. & it is a huge waste of energy
and i dont want to give people free ish anymore
they dont get to know my personal stuff
not a single bit unless they ask
good news bad news
has nothing to do with anyone i know
my answers will always be short & only answering what people ask
they dont get to know me. they can assume whatever they want
especially at work
as long as im doing my job they can kiss my damn ass cause i been nothing but nice since i got their and im sick of these bitches
tomorrow i get to work with two people i actually like so thats good
but im jus tlike..
i gotta stop staring at people
aiming to be like people
paying money, time, and energy to be on PEOPLEs good side
which has never ever paid off
not one time
it hasnt gotten me promoted as it shouldve
it hasnt earned me money
it hasnt done anything
nothing ive done for others in exchange for their approval has worked
so im cool with the few friends i have and the rest i dont even care if i ever speak to again
much less if they like me
i dont want to be around people
i dont want to talk to them
hear about them
cause i dont care
the only person i shouldve been seekin all this time was God
and the only person who can improve my life or my self other than Him is me
i like my self
i think im awesome
and people can literally kiss my motherfucking ass with their selfish and unimpressive super exclusive day ruining asses
i do not like that teacher but i dont have to talk about it
i dont everhave to share my opinions
at all
only here
from now on i dont need anyone to know anything about me
i dont need their freaking approval
i dont care if they like me or not
neither is a benefit as long as they leave me alone and let me do me then im fine
i just think i should keep everything to myself
and shut up
people dont deserve extra
only what they need or ask for
if that
no im not better than everyone
but all i can do is me
and they are not better than me
theres not a sole on this EARTH i should strive to be like
thats it. no more.
i dont like people
sharing my opinions...no good can come frm it
so i wont
and people will not know what im thinking unless it can directly effect the situation in a way i want it tp
im done being a doormat
i dont give a fuck to be quite honest
i dont wannt to be a bad person but i want nothing to do with people either
i actually...i like this me better
cause this is the real me
this is how i actually feel
and ive been fake for a long time
thats why things havent been woprking out
God has shown me what is important
im done fucking worrying
and caring
cause its stupid
im over it
my calling with show itself in due time
til then i just wanna do what im supposed to do o enjoy my life
and take steps now to enjoy it more later
Monday, February 20, 2012
and im supposed to help THEM?
God help me.
because i need help
I cant help anyone right now
I need help
i am so sick of people
being freaking rude to me
all the time and never appreciating my kindness
i try to make them feel good and they make me feel terrible
im never effing good enough and im so sick of it
i really am God
will it ever get better
I have to quit.
because i need help
I cant help anyone right now
I need help
i am so sick of people
being freaking rude to me
all the time and never appreciating my kindness
i try to make them feel good and they make me feel terrible
im never effing good enough and im so sick of it
i really am God
will it ever get better
I have to quit.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
dirty ass door mat
havent written a positive one of these in forever
its been a while since i felt any peace
truly
im so all over the place
but the one thing i hate about that
the one thing i hate so much about having a wound
is that people can smell it & they freaking feed on it
its like i cant go outside in a bad mood because every damn thing will go wrong & people just pounce on me
im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of being disrespected
its time to grow up
the baby [ersonality was fun its time to stop
completely
i have to just pretend to be..idk,
i need to be a grownup
to get some damn respect
& i need to work on myself
a lot
i need to drop out of everything besides school work & working out
ESPECIALLY MODELING
until i am healed
because obviously im hurting
ive been trying to find some validation to help me
but i never get it
people smell my uncertainty and its rejection
i can feel it all the damn time
people offering me advice when all i want is to feel like nothings wrong with me
so i gotta work on it
i wish i could go away & do it
but i cant
i will be surrounded by stressors as i try to recover from whatevers hurting me
really i just gotta build my self esteem up again
i guess i just gotta pretend to be confident til then
because people beliueve whatever you act like you believe
the number one reason why i hate personality so much right now is because i never shut up
amnd i feel like im annoying
everyone around me knows everything about me and i feel exposed
i cant shut my mouth im always sharing my opionions and my experiences and dying for attention and i want to be quiet
im just gunna have to deal with people asking me why im so quiet
or i can tell them
no i dont have to tell them
though theres some people i think should know that i feel this way
whatever
i dont wqant anyone in this world to know anything about me anymore because the only person who doesnt offer advice (judgement) is God
i just wanna feel secure like i know what im doing
not knowing what i wanna be is killing me but whatever i guess ill just try to focus on school
which is so hard
my mind is everywhere
but this is the only constant thing i have
& a degree will get me some respect
i just am scared that i cant do the careers this is leading me to
or that if i can i wont be happy with them
like..
idk i just feel like i cant trust anyone to just listen to me and no one wants to cause i talk so much but damn ya know
ineeed someone to talk to
God please hold my hand
make me feel like im not alone in this world and let me tell ym secrets to you
i cant even talk to my damn boyfriend
i dont know if i have veer been this confused in my life
sometimes seriously & God forgive me
but i wonder what the point of life is
even the fun times arent that fun
im basically empty
& the thing i love most about myself im having to change like..
i have to lock it up & put it in a box & its so hard because i feel so disrespected and like everyone is just...so judgemental & no one sees the good in me or takes me seriously
so i have to like paint my face & try to act professional
maybe im just having trouble adjusting
but now i even feel like this new job wont even make me happy i feel like i made a bad impression on the area director and now they wont promote me either. i just hope i can like..get idk..idk God,.
im just no good with people and theres so many
im so unstable i know i just need to focus on that
i think i just feel SO vulnurable and exposed
and a period of silence is needed for me to regain control over myself and my life
i know..i want YOU to have control
i just like to feel like people do not have the control
i dont want anyone to know anything about me
when people ask me how im doing i need to just say good period
& just shutup
& if they ask me like wah wah why are you quiet
BECAUSE WHEN I SPEAK MOTHERFUCKERS THINK I TALK TO FUCKING MUCH IM NOT A DAMN CLOWN FOR EVERYONES ENTERTAINMENT I JUST WANNA BE QUIET & LEFT ALONE!
please help me get rid of this anger. and find some sort of peace
im really like...wounded.
burned from the inside
i need you to help me avoid irritation as much as possible and the best way to do this is to just..not speak.
i just...i feel like theres so much to do,
and i dont enjoy any of it
work. school.
working out.
for what? for nothing.
i cant stop crying. i just wanna feel better
i feel like a hurt in my heart
i try to hide it
though i barely can
i want it to go away
so bad
so i can stop being like a mean irritable person
and stop getting my feelings hurt every day
and being everyones doormat
i wanna respectg myself
and believe in myself
that whatever i decide to do i can do it
that everythings gunna be oj
that im not gunna be like broke & jobless and unhappy
that im not just gunna fail...
how am i gunna graduate? and then what?
by some miracle i graduate....what happens then?
im just surrounded by doubt. its like...i need so badly to be surrounded with some positivity.
i cant find any anywhere i just have to be quiet
help me calm down please so i can study God.
im crying over people who dont even know theyve hurt me
but they really have
really really bad
so many Nos ya know,
so many Nos
or so many..you need to this you need to that
nobodys ok with me how i am
i just feel really terrible
like..i cant do anything i dont know anything i cant stick with anything
and now im scared
sometimes God i really do wonder why you put me here
i used to KNOW it was to make some big difference
but now like..i dont have the temperament or the patience
or anything..i really dont know why.
i guess We'll find out.
i miss the old confident me
but really, theres always been something wrong
as much as i want to eraseeveryones memory i cant
please help me forgive myself for all the bad impressions
help me help myself help me do my best
help me find a reason to live
help me find peace and just...BE. please.
help me.
help me
help me
please
i really need your help.
its been a while since i felt any peace
truly
im so all over the place
but the one thing i hate about that
the one thing i hate so much about having a wound
is that people can smell it & they freaking feed on it
its like i cant go outside in a bad mood because every damn thing will go wrong & people just pounce on me
im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of being disrespected
its time to grow up
the baby [ersonality was fun its time to stop
completely
i have to just pretend to be..idk,
i need to be a grownup
to get some damn respect
& i need to work on myself
a lot
i need to drop out of everything besides school work & working out
ESPECIALLY MODELING
until i am healed
because obviously im hurting
ive been trying to find some validation to help me
but i never get it
people smell my uncertainty and its rejection
i can feel it all the damn time
people offering me advice when all i want is to feel like nothings wrong with me
so i gotta work on it
i wish i could go away & do it
but i cant
i will be surrounded by stressors as i try to recover from whatevers hurting me
really i just gotta build my self esteem up again
i guess i just gotta pretend to be confident til then
because people beliueve whatever you act like you believe
the number one reason why i hate personality so much right now is because i never shut up
amnd i feel like im annoying
everyone around me knows everything about me and i feel exposed
i cant shut my mouth im always sharing my opionions and my experiences and dying for attention and i want to be quiet
im just gunna have to deal with people asking me why im so quiet
or i can tell them
no i dont have to tell them
though theres some people i think should know that i feel this way
whatever
i dont wqant anyone in this world to know anything about me anymore because the only person who doesnt offer advice (judgement) is God
i just wanna feel secure like i know what im doing
not knowing what i wanna be is killing me but whatever i guess ill just try to focus on school
which is so hard
my mind is everywhere
but this is the only constant thing i have
& a degree will get me some respect
i just am scared that i cant do the careers this is leading me to
or that if i can i wont be happy with them
like..
idk i just feel like i cant trust anyone to just listen to me and no one wants to cause i talk so much but damn ya know
ineeed someone to talk to
God please hold my hand
make me feel like im not alone in this world and let me tell ym secrets to you
i cant even talk to my damn boyfriend
i dont know if i have veer been this confused in my life
sometimes seriously & God forgive me
but i wonder what the point of life is
even the fun times arent that fun
im basically empty
& the thing i love most about myself im having to change like..
i have to lock it up & put it in a box & its so hard because i feel so disrespected and like everyone is just...so judgemental & no one sees the good in me or takes me seriously
so i have to like paint my face & try to act professional
maybe im just having trouble adjusting
but now i even feel like this new job wont even make me happy i feel like i made a bad impression on the area director and now they wont promote me either. i just hope i can like..get idk..idk God,.
im just no good with people and theres so many
im so unstable i know i just need to focus on that
i think i just feel SO vulnurable and exposed
and a period of silence is needed for me to regain control over myself and my life
i know..i want YOU to have control
i just like to feel like people do not have the control
i dont want anyone to know anything about me
when people ask me how im doing i need to just say good period
& just shutup
& if they ask me like wah wah why are you quiet
BECAUSE WHEN I SPEAK MOTHERFUCKERS THINK I TALK TO FUCKING MUCH IM NOT A DAMN CLOWN FOR EVERYONES ENTERTAINMENT I JUST WANNA BE QUIET & LEFT ALONE!
please help me get rid of this anger. and find some sort of peace
im really like...wounded.
burned from the inside
i need you to help me avoid irritation as much as possible and the best way to do this is to just..not speak.
i just...i feel like theres so much to do,
and i dont enjoy any of it
work. school.
working out.
for what? for nothing.
i cant stop crying. i just wanna feel better
i feel like a hurt in my heart
i try to hide it
though i barely can
i want it to go away
so bad
so i can stop being like a mean irritable person
and stop getting my feelings hurt every day
and being everyones doormat
i wanna respectg myself
and believe in myself
that whatever i decide to do i can do it
that everythings gunna be oj
that im not gunna be like broke & jobless and unhappy
that im not just gunna fail...
how am i gunna graduate? and then what?
by some miracle i graduate....what happens then?
im just surrounded by doubt. its like...i need so badly to be surrounded with some positivity.
i cant find any anywhere i just have to be quiet
help me calm down please so i can study God.
im crying over people who dont even know theyve hurt me
but they really have
really really bad
so many Nos ya know,
so many Nos
or so many..you need to this you need to that
nobodys ok with me how i am
i just feel really terrible
like..i cant do anything i dont know anything i cant stick with anything
and now im scared
sometimes God i really do wonder why you put me here
i used to KNOW it was to make some big difference
but now like..i dont have the temperament or the patience
or anything..i really dont know why.
i guess We'll find out.
i miss the old confident me
but really, theres always been something wrong
as much as i want to eraseeveryones memory i cant
please help me forgive myself for all the bad impressions
help me help myself help me do my best
help me find a reason to live
help me find peace and just...BE. please.
help me.
help me
help me
please
i really need your help.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
leave me the fuck alone
please excuse my language. i find myself cursing more and more these days.
im back to being easily angered and impatient. mississippi was such a peaceful, good experience for me. not having to work or do school work. just..doing whatever i wantd to do was so nice. no deadlines or anything. it was bad as far as me being in shape but whatever it was worth it to feel inner peace.
now its like anything that doesnt go my way puts me in a bad mood but in my defense on my off days when i really just want to cherish the time i have
1) it goes by lightening speed so i feel like i only have a few hours off
2)theres always a thousand things to do anyway
3)i havent gotten to do one fucking thing i wanted to do and instead have been bossed around by this fucking boy.
everything wsith him is a rush. and hes so motherfucking bossy
and when im in a bad mood
fucking shit juust leave me the fuck alone
never ever in his entire life will he just leave me alone id have been better off just continuing to run because coming back in here he a;lways ,makes it his problem. i didnt get to get my tattoo yesterday. i did not fucking want to drive all the way to sandras and sit over there and all this fucking shit but he was so adament about it then i had to fucking go back today. by the time i worked out the fucking day was over.
got damn like can i have a day off i feel like i literally need to leave this fucking house on my days off & just go anywhere else in the world so he cant control every fucking thing
he will never change dude seriously
i need to stop daydreaming about marriage & babies & keep myself in reality
cause i mean he even said hes just gunna pick out a ring he likes for my engagement?
reallyy
? i swear to God he doesnty give a fucking damn about anyone but himself
and he just is so motherfucking closed minded its so damn annoying. i just wanna stay here and enjoy the rest of college without being heartbroken until i get a better job or higher position and can afford my own apartment and the gym membership and just the expensiveness of singlehood and then im just gunna have to end this shit
sorry but i dont believe he will ever even improve
seriously
deep down hes still a fucking dictator
im just tired of getting fucking jipped and not one motherfucking thing going my way
i spent 3000 motherfuckling dollars at vitamin shoppe. we were supposed to get our pointas of the fucking second now i gotta wait til mid january? i need my fucking SUPPLEMENTS GOOOOOOOOOOTOTTT DAMMMNNNNIIT!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT MY SHIT WHEN I WNAT IT I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING TO LIVE MY LIFE AROUND EVERY FUCKING BODY ELSE GOT DAMNIT!!
i have to wait 2 weeks to get my damn tat done
and then do another session
so all together its lookin like 600 dollars.
but i did make an appt to get my lips done next monday yay :)
got my appts set up. i feel better
just gunna try to keep savin as much money as possible & i need to make a plan for my running & not overshoot.
like 2 long days a week and 3 short days
something like that
so i wont feel like crap when i dont get it right
& just be patient with the losing weight thing
im not eating a lot so i ought to be okay
eventually my body will improve
& ill be done with ym tattoo
i just need to learn patience
and to hide my anger since i apparently cant express it to him.
im back to being easily angered and impatient. mississippi was such a peaceful, good experience for me. not having to work or do school work. just..doing whatever i wantd to do was so nice. no deadlines or anything. it was bad as far as me being in shape but whatever it was worth it to feel inner peace.
now its like anything that doesnt go my way puts me in a bad mood but in my defense on my off days when i really just want to cherish the time i have
1) it goes by lightening speed so i feel like i only have a few hours off
2)theres always a thousand things to do anyway
3)i havent gotten to do one fucking thing i wanted to do and instead have been bossed around by this fucking boy.
everything wsith him is a rush. and hes so motherfucking bossy
and when im in a bad mood
fucking shit juust leave me the fuck alone
never ever in his entire life will he just leave me alone id have been better off just continuing to run because coming back in here he a;lways ,makes it his problem. i didnt get to get my tattoo yesterday. i did not fucking want to drive all the way to sandras and sit over there and all this fucking shit but he was so adament about it then i had to fucking go back today. by the time i worked out the fucking day was over.
got damn like can i have a day off i feel like i literally need to leave this fucking house on my days off & just go anywhere else in the world so he cant control every fucking thing
he will never change dude seriously
i need to stop daydreaming about marriage & babies & keep myself in reality
cause i mean he even said hes just gunna pick out a ring he likes for my engagement?
reallyy
? i swear to God he doesnty give a fucking damn about anyone but himself
and he just is so motherfucking closed minded its so damn annoying. i just wanna stay here and enjoy the rest of college without being heartbroken until i get a better job or higher position and can afford my own apartment and the gym membership and just the expensiveness of singlehood and then im just gunna have to end this shit
sorry but i dont believe he will ever even improve
seriously
deep down hes still a fucking dictator
im just tired of getting fucking jipped and not one motherfucking thing going my way
i spent 3000 motherfuckling dollars at vitamin shoppe. we were supposed to get our pointas of the fucking second now i gotta wait til mid january? i need my fucking SUPPLEMENTS GOOOOOOOOOOTOTTT DAMMMNNNNIIT!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT MY SHIT WHEN I WNAT IT I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING TO LIVE MY LIFE AROUND EVERY FUCKING BODY ELSE GOT DAMNIT!!
i have to wait 2 weeks to get my damn tat done
and then do another session
so all together its lookin like 600 dollars.
but i did make an appt to get my lips done next monday yay :)
got my appts set up. i feel better
just gunna try to keep savin as much money as possible & i need to make a plan for my running & not overshoot.
like 2 long days a week and 3 short days
something like that
so i wont feel like crap when i dont get it right
& just be patient with the losing weight thing
im not eating a lot so i ought to be okay
eventually my body will improve
& ill be done with ym tattoo
i just need to learn patience
and to hide my anger since i apparently cant express it to him.
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