a new view on life

Id love to say its a ;positive one
but its not.
however, before i get into how i see the world now, let me say that having a less positive view is not all bad
& im not gunna take the pessimist stance of "im just being realistic"
it took more effort to be optimistic.
that is "finding" the good in stuff
right now..i think i see the world more realistically
for years...most my life
no matter how many times i try to change
'ive worshipped people
ive done everything iv ever done to seek their approval
their love
to be good enough
its never worked
why? because people are evil
read the bible. people are and have always been mean. even little children are evil.
no one is innocent UNTIL proven that way
i dont have to pretend to like people i dont
i dont have to bust my butt to make friends with "important" people because no ones improtant
i dont need a lot of friends
'im an introvert
i dont like people
i dont want to be around them'
if i want to be seen thats not why
but you know what i dont even want to be seen anymore
im tired of people staring at me montiorting my mood monitoring my behavior
i dont consider any of these people my friends
except a select few
i dont like many people
& im sorry but i couldnt help them moreso when i pretended to
or tried to force myself to see good that wasnt there
im sure God will point me to the people im supposed to help
and if i see the opportunity ill help someone if they need me
ive helped a lot of freaking people
and ive been nice to a lot of people who didnt deserve it
i will continue to be nice
to a point.
& ill pray and continue to look for the most effective behavior in situations
but im pretty over everyone
i dont like some of the people i work with
im not going to pretend to
and i will not kiss a single ass
im not gunna start conversations anymore
today i talked very little and i liked it a lot more
when i did talk
i got attacked
i find that happens a lot
so blog you are my new release
i do not trust a single human being on this fucking planet
i mean i trust my aunt, my bf, SOME friends..
i have 3 in particular that i aknowledge. mostly 2.
but yea, but they cant help me. complaining cant help me. & it is a huge waste of energy
and i dont want to give people free ish anymore
they dont get to know my personal stuff
not a single bit unless they ask
good news bad news
has nothing to do with anyone i know
my answers will always be short & only answering what people ask
they dont get to know me. they can assume whatever they want
especially at work
as long as im doing my job they can kiss my damn ass cause i been nothing but nice since i got their and im sick of these bitches
tomorrow i get to work with two people i actually like so thats good
but im jus tlike..
i gotta stop staring at people
aiming to be like people
paying money, time, and energy to be on PEOPLEs good side
which has never ever paid off
not one time
it hasnt gotten me promoted as it shouldve
it hasnt earned me money
it hasnt done anything
nothing ive done for others in exchange for their approval has worked
so im cool with the few friends i have and the rest i dont even care if i ever speak to again
much less if they like me
i dont want to be around people
i dont want to talk to them
hear about them
cause i dont care
the only person i shouldve been seekin all this time was God
and the only person who can improve my life or my self other than Him is me
i like my self
i think im awesome
and people can literally kiss my motherfucking ass with their selfish and unimpressive super exclusive day ruining asses
i do not like that teacher but i dont have to talk about it
i dont everhave to share my opinions
at all
only here
from now on i dont need anyone to know anything about me
i dont need their freaking approval
i dont care if they like me or not
neither is a benefit as long as they leave me alone and let me do me then im fine
i just think i should keep everything to myself
and shut up
people dont deserve extra
only what they need or ask for
if that
no im not better than everyone
but all i can do is me
and they are not better than me
theres not a sole on this EARTH i should strive to be like
thats it. no more.
i dont like people
sharing my opinions...no good can come frm it
so i wont
and people will not know what im thinking unless it can directly effect the situation in a way i want it tp
im done being a doormat
i dont give a fuck to be quite honest
i dont wannt to be a bad person but i want nothing to do with people either
i actually...i like this me better
cause this is the real me
this is how i actually feel
and ive been fake for a long time
thats why things havent been woprking out
God has shown me what is important
im done fucking worrying
and caring
cause its stupid
im over it
my calling with show itself in due time
til then i just wanna do what im supposed to do o enjoy my life
and take steps now to enjoy it more later