Sigh. Just Have Faith... Relax...and Think Positive

So he was off today. I talked to him this morning. and then again when I went to the grocery store (on the phone). and we texted off and on at work. I called him when I got out of work (I had a feeling before I did that I shouldn't but I did) and he rejected my call! Like let it ring once and then hung up! Really? He's never done that. Usually he'll just let it ring, I mean I can see turning it on silent but pressing ignore. ive never seen him do that to anyone. maybe his phone was off? who knows. I doubt it. idk im hoping once again that it has nothing to do with me and him. it shouldn't. like I said things have been great. we talked about tomorrow several times today so he knows im coming over. I was going to go watch him pose tomorrow then workout. Yday I was scared too because lik idk I still remember him just going silent. Its been a good week and talking on the phone helped last week too BUT like I still have like one eye open I guess. Im having to learn to think logically and not be paranoid and also just to try my best to be positive. I mean. Things have been going well and the day went well and our convo ended well. so Idk im assuming he just...hell idk. All I can do is hope for the best. but I mean we talk all the time now and its so normal. yday after I told him how much the Bethany thing was bothering me like he was like so are you coming over tomorrow and we talked about me coming over on Saturday. I have been iinitiating a lot this week I guess I can back off a little. maybe after tomorrow. I usually don't talk to him much at night. im thinking maybe the reason I got the feeling I shouldn't call before I did was because it would turn into something that is nothing. so Im going to assume its nothing. Things have been better than ever this week. We're so close. On the subject of Bethany. Idk. this morning I reminded him about her bday. wish I hadn't. and then yday like I wrote on her wall like when we used to be friends and tonight I went back and deleted it. cause shes not acting like a friend. im not going to be fake. im not happy with her right now and im not going to pretend to be so im not going to like...im just not going to like...associate with her and I hid her from my timeline so that I wouldn't have to see her tagging him all the damn time. idk whats gunna happen with me and him as far as fb im a little bit over him deleting me every five seconds so eff it im not even goingto ask him anymore like if you don't want to be my friend fine. its bullshit what kind of relationship is that but whatever. all week hes been very courteous and like I said we talk every day. we talk on the phone a lot. he calls me every morning. im hoping he calls me in the morning. cause last Saturday we were on the phone for 3 hours. and that was awesome so I could entertain him again. plus just to like tell me what happened tonight. earlier I thought...for a second...that she might have done something for her bday and he might've gone...KNOWING he shouldn't..idk that would definitely cause HUGE trust issues but I mean nothing we cant talk out. I do not want that like open flirty relationship though. that's very annoying. he'll never have to deal with that with me. shoot maybe ..na. anyway yea so im just going to get ready for tomorrow prep all my food and try to get a good nights sleep. so I can wakeup and do my cardio. today went well I wanted a luncheable I had to like get my mind right because im going to be surrounded by foods that aren't on my diet constantly at work. but I said this time I wasn't cheating so im not. later tonight I actually tried and konrad stopped me so it was awesome. I see now this is going to be a struggle but itll be worth it. right now im cooking chicken. I want to go to sleep! think im going to try my best to pack my food for sunday and tomorrow so I don't have to do anything. and I guess I can come here real quick after the party ill probably leave a little early 4 hours is long. so I might show up late and leave early. so get there at like 11 and then leave at 1. ill just tell her I have tutoring and im sure she expects me to be late I want to take everything with me but I wont have anywhere to put it all that time so yea. gotta go get the damn baby a present lol ugh so expensive life is right now. my wrap business is legit so far. I need to sign up distributors to get that 10k. eff it this is the only way I know of to even get to that point. I mean if I don't do SOMETHING of that nature, I literally wont be able to compete. im grinding for the cause. its necessary. theres a lot I want to do for me that I cant do without extra income so here it is. I texted him twice. once saying like why did he reject my calls and I hope hes ok then the next saying he could just call me tomorrow so I hope he does. he usually does. if he doesn't especially since he will be at work I know like at 730 then I guess ill call him and be like dude whats up. I hope its nothing though. like hes got a lot going on and ive been a good thing for him. so im just hoping we're good. we should be. guess sometimes he just may not feel like being on the phone? idk/ anyway. yea im tired. SIGH. gotta get all my food together. still got at least half an hour to let the chicken cool. SIGH. might get a nap in while im waiting LOL. anyway God please just put your blessing on all my endeavors especially school. and help me work for my goals and do my best everyday. also, I cant help it whether its a liability or not (which is most certainly is) Corey has my heart. he means a lot to me and I really would like to stay with him and keep building on what we have so if you could please put your blessing on us as individuals to be our best selves and also as a couple to keep us together and faithful and in a healthy relationship. I really am happy with him. things have improved CRAZILY and I want to keep going in this positive direction. thank you for all the blessings. love you.