please don't let my prince charming be the forbidden fruit

I knooooowww i initiated us talking. but I dont think its wrong to talk to someone you like. now if you FORCE it like I have in the past okay but I really didnt have to work hard for this one. I didnt steal him from anyone I didnt pull any strings. things just fell into place and we've been completely honest with eachother. we're always ourselves and as 100% ourselves without holding back at all we just make eachother happy. there is nothing i would change about him even if i could not one thing he is just absolutely perfect in my eyes and i havent felt that way about anyone since bj. we're taking things...slow compared to others. we hung out...six times before we had sex. the first time we talked for five effing hours in my bed and he didnt even attempt to touch me. the second time i mean it was probably 3 times before he even got close to me. then like we spent a LOT of time IN eachother's faces like inches apart before he finally kissed me. i havent been THIS paralyzed in someones presence in a minute. i think it really was bj. or am i always like this? na. with him i was like a little kid and he kinda was too. even the day after i just couldnt do it. i could stare at him all day but im not like...brave enough to kiss him yet hell i might be now. we had like a rough couple days. all over being facebook official i guess i scared the shit out of him but honestly i think it was necessary i really thought it would be the end of us and i wanted to die. didnt know i cared that much. but i do. i used to think we'd never be anything romantic. that we were kind of better off friends. couldnt see him having any piece of my heart but he does. as i get to know him it only gets more. the way he makes me feel is freaking addictive. its not like anthony where he just tells me all these nice things. i mean when he does it means the freaking world but he just..is actually WITH me. he drives all the way out here to see me. we been on three dates. he opens the door for me and shit. and hes just down for whatever i want hes not selfish at all. lets me get whatever food i want doesnt care just lets me do what i want to be happy. he like...idk. hes more of a man than anthony was and hes defnitely half his age. hes just, idk hes not sweet ALL the time. he picks on me but he is good to me. one time i was laying in the bed and i hadnt eaten and i was bleeding and my stomach hurt so bad. he kept asking me what i wanted its like he doesnt want to see me unhappy or in pain. like i was just in pain. this mofo carried me to the kitchen and sat me on the counter and made my food for me. then he carried me back to the bed and brought it to me. hes so soft everywhere like iw as just leaning all over him and it felt so good. he smells SO good and its really just his deodarant. and his hair is so cute and its soft. his freaking eyes are GORGEOUS. i love everything about his face i havent been this attracted to anyone in a minute. omg. like...wow. and he like...i guess the last time it took forever i was so tired but i wasnt going to sleep without a kiss. so yea he finally kissed me and it felt like all the tension was relieved it was so much better than i ever thought it could be. hes like...a romantic kisser. all passionate and shit its soft and like idk man his lips are unbelievably soft and his mouth tastes good as hell im like obsessed i want more and more i could do that shit all day its like my new favorite thing. and i was goig to wait til his bday but i couldnt help myself so we had sex and i was pleasantly surprised. hes just so beasty in every way. his penis is great its not huge but its not small and its beautiful lol he shaves EVERYTHING. but like i saw it and its not strangely colored its actually really pretty. hes realy pretty. his body is freaking amazing i want him to be mine so bad i know its supposed to be me making someone wait for me whatever thats just not my personality. i dont care anymore. hes okay with how i am. i think our personalities compliment eachother. the thought of not talking to him anymore basically broke my heart and that lets me know i really care. i mean amazing kissing amazing sex and even beforethat hes just amazing company. hes the most beautiful person iv e ever seen i swear and he likes me because he says im "fucking cool and sweet" not because of how i look. and i hope this works out. theres distance between us and new things coming up that will have us both busy and i just hope that we will continue to make time for eachother and continue to be close. tonight he was supposed to be over here by now but he forgot he had to take something apart for his mom i pray he will still come when hes done cause i wanna see him so bad. i know i should go to school i will next week ill catch up im not behind and ill have the weekend to do so. but like..idk i really like him i love his company and i love how he makes me feel i like everything about him and i want him to be mine and i want to be his and i can wait as long as i have to to be the # 1 girl in his life. the thing is idk if we have God's blessing. i want to believe we do cause if we dont i know we cant be together. and itll be for the best I want to stay on the path he has laid out for me but I just pray pray pray that he is in the cards for me because man oh man he has really just added to my life and id miss him terribly if we were to stop talking. i think he likes me a lot too because i really like..idk...threw him off with the fbo convo. and he still wanted to like...keep talking to me. somethings there. idk. its an unlikely convo but we really fit well together i never thought id mesh with a white boy but theres nothing missing. i can wait however long i have to but i hope he comes over tonight i have all my makeup on and i did something with my hair and got a new bra and im bout to do my lube lol like..man i miss him. and he misses me too i want to have passionate makeup sex. haha k.....i prayyy we have your blessing God. i really want to keep him! """""""""""HYJJJJJJGGGGG