What does it mean?!!

So. Yesterday clearly I went to bed feeling amazing. I got a decent arm workout in. Didnt stay forever and do back like I wanted to because I knew I wouldnt get up in the morning. So I did arms, had egg whites for dinner and went to bed. Peaceful and happy and feeling amazing. then I wakeup at like..5..or 4. idk. and I saw my blue light was going off which annoys me so I was like let me exit these emails or whatever other bs it is. but it was a text and I was like who the hell is texting me at 2am?!! cause it was sent at 2:14am. i knew there was a possibility it was Corey. But I didnt really expect it to be him i mean he doesnt text me during the day. Why would he text me at 2am. But it was him. But what really shocked me was what it said. it said "woke up thinking of you. hope all is well." i mean.....WHAT THE FUCK. who wakes up thinking about a friend at 2am?! Honestly it has confused me all day and when I told Aeric about it all he said was he needs to stop playing with my emotions. Which is true. BUT ...and ive tried not to read too far into it. But if he was thinking of me at 2am there is SOMETHING. idk what, but theres something. cause i mean....you just dont do that with people you have zero feelings for. and he wouldnt have taken the risk of texting me knowing it might give me the wrong idea unless it was the right idea. he wouldve kept it to himself unless he was bothering me. but oh...i wonder if he was like man shes probably still hurting i feel bad. let me text her i hope shes okay. sigh. didnt think of that. but he shouldve been able to look on my fb and see that all was well. i mean my last post yday was "today was the best day ever" type shit,. and all i posted was positive shit all day. i didnt want to text em back because i knew then id have anxiety waiting to see if he would text ME back. but i knew also that if i didnt text him back..it would be because if i didnt he would continue to think about me. and that was a little backdoor way of puppeteering. so I texted him back the most emotionally blank message i could i just was 100% honest i said "thanks! other than these evil cramps that are plaguing my uterus its all good in the hood! lol" and he said like...4 hours later he said "lol sorry. did you start your period?" and i told em how miserable i was and bleeding to death (not completely true but i did have annoying cramps and back pain all damn day..still do!) and this mofo was like all happy talking bout sorry but its a good thing. and i told em like thanks buddy glad someones happy about my suffering and hes like sorry but is it that bad yall have to do this every month and i was like im done talking to you youre being annoying and b lah blah im in pain what i need is drugs BYE lol and he texted me back like "lol sorry. you have four cats they should help you feel better."...like,...the fuck? he legitimately was getting on my nerves. i typed up a message to send back like what the fuck do my cats have to contribute what i need is drugs but i just deleted it cause i was like what is the point of this convo like what is the point of us talking ya know? ive gotten to the point like if he doesnt like me and we're not "talking" or in a relationship i dont need him as a friend i cant get over him or be at peace if we're talking every day and he said he needed space. so thanks to him and his random night time texts the silence between us has to start tomorrow. which is actually perfect cause its monday. and mondays always a great day to start things. anyway. yea....part of me wants to believe..and the old me wouldve ran with this like HE DOES HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME..but i dont believe that. he said he didnt. he said he didnt like me. he didnt want to be around me and all the things i did for him he found repulsive. he confirmed this when i said it. he treated me bad so i would break up with him so he could be left alone so like...im leaving him alone and i know in my heart whether or not it may change in the future or not RIGHT NOW that boy doesnt want me. idk why he woke up out of his sleep at 2am thinking of me or why he wanted to text me maybe he had a bad dream or was legitimately concerned. idk. but im gunna leave it at that. cause i mean...idk. he seems to really be an asshole like nothing he says makes me happy. that made me feel good cause he has never in his life told me he was thinking of me and hes never texted me like that in the middle of the night. its been over a month since hes even initiated a text. i thought he might say something more in depth today or apologize for sending that but he didnt. im doing my best not to give him anything. for the first time since the first time he broke up with me i am letting him go. and i just hope he lets me go too. him coming clean and admitting he just doesnt want me changed things, it changed everything it changed my view of things. and especially my view of our potential. there isnt any. its gone as far as it could. everyday i get a little more comfortable with the reality that there is A VERY good chance that all thats going to happen over this month is that i get over him and have peace. that us getting back together is not really even a possibility. its nowhere near his mind. hes been over me for a while. and as hard as it is for me to accept i mean...its pretty much 100% certain everything he did he just..faked it. all the kissing all the hand holding..wanting to be around me...it was all a lie. if thats true we dont ever need to be together cause i cant trust somebody who can fake that well. i dont think ill ever be able to trust him again because ill never believe that he wants me. itll just be for the chase ya know? regardless i havent changed and im not going to change over the next month. i will improve. but no matter how strong i get i dont want to be with somebody with whom i have to like...hold back. if i feel somethign i want to express it. period. whats the point of feeling it if you cant. i want to be with someone who appreciates me and makes me feel wanted not that makes me feel not good enough. this person hurt me SO bad. im getting to the point i would enjoy the attention but i dont want em back. i could get sad right now if i thought long enough on how horrible he treated me. theres notnhing in this world he could do to fix it. scratch that. it would be somewhat easy if hed put forth effort but thats the main thing. he doesnt have any feelings for me to motivate him to change or treat me better. now that im gone hes happy and honestly im happier than i had been in about a month with him. and i cant sit here racking my brain trying to figure out why ill just rot thinking about it. its a mystery that i dont understand. but he said what i needed to hear. that he didnt want me. and i am not going to like...live my life trying to win over someone who doesnt want me. im a freaking amazing person and im probably the best he'll ever get and if he doesnt see that he doesnt deserve me whatsoever ya know. he should worship the ground i walk on like i did him. but he doesnt. and he wont. boys dont have these epiphanies that we wish they would. not til theyre much older and way too late. i just wanna be okay and i am. its hard to like mentally completely let go its like even letting the pain go hurts. Like when I try to completely let go i get a little sad because i mean...this has been my...everything..for almost 3 months now. im having to like rediscover myself and it feels good but change is always uncomfortable. and i mean it never feels good to fully realize you believed a lie. at least now i know im going to be okay. its just like...theres a lot of opportunities kind of coming up...and its scary and like..i just never wanted to do all this without him ya know? i wanted him with me. leaving him in the dust was not my dream at all. but i gotta keep moving forward ya know. i got goals and things happen for a reason and if theres an opportunity to help me towards my goals im gunna take it. today wasnt AS good as yesterday though it was still good. im starting to see the pattern. im ONLY happy and at peace when i DONT talk to Corey. sigh. thats how people get addicted to things. something that starts out so good becomes the thing that hurts you and you dont want to let go of when it was your saving grace. but hes not anymore. hes the problem. and i need him out of my life. im excited for tomorrow because everyday is another day for me to get closer to getting over him. to get further from the last time i saw him, the last time we spoke. its only been hours since we last spoke. like......5 maybe. but its been officially a full week since we've seen eachother. ill say this real quick for the record in case one day i need to give myself or anyone else an i told you so. let me preface this by saying i know that my instinct as far as positive things about him has always been wrong so it means absolutely nothing. my intuition was completely off this WHOLE time. i never listened to the bad and the good was all fake. BUT i mean ill say it anyway, last night when he texted me i felt a pull i hadnt felt in a while. like when he texted me that one time the time i tried to break up with him annd he wouldnt let me. i felt like...idk...idk i felt something i cant put my finger on it. but it wasnt something you feel from a friend. and i felt a little victorious like oh i got em now. like he wasnt going to stop thinking about me. like the tables were in the process of turning way earlier than i expected...actually i never expected it to happen at all. but yea....i know it was nothing. with him its always nothing. he seems like a passionate person. and like when he feels strongly for someone, or loves them, they're very very lucky. i wanted to be that girl thats all i wanted. and i did everything i could to save my spot BUT the missing factor was his feelings for me. i dont want to keep feeling this over and over i dont want to keep like having to RE-realize he doesnt want me. i get it. its time to like keep going now like..let me be dude. we dont need to talk. part of me thinks he might actually text me next week to go to the movie but the majority of me knows better. this will be the end. but....now i know me. i know that its probably going to take the rest of this week now for me to stop expecting a text in the middle of the night. and stop checking my phone. i dont know why he did that. but im sick of trying to figure him out. he gave me his story im going to go ahead and believe that one. man its only 8:30 but im tired. i wanna go to sleep lol. im not going to want to cook my food tomorrow i need to do it tonight but i dont have my taco seasoning for my turkey. all i have a cramps im not leaving the house. think ill drug up and go to sleep since i dont have shit to do :)