amazing amazing amazing God has answered my EVERY prayer when it comes to this boy!!!

Seriously. THANK YOU. I had faith in general and you have really come through and just...brought out the best in him. for the time being he has changed SO much. first of all, you brought em back. without me having to do anything. like i said i thought November was going to be a month of pain trying to get over him. but instead i mean i didnt really have to go but like..two days into november without seeing him and its been almost every other day since. the longest break was from last thursday to last night. and yea i mean at this point im pretty much in there like swimwear like i cant lie and pretend i dont want em. he knows i do and the crazy thing is he wants me too. like..geez where to begin. he pissed me off so bad the other night sending me a screenshot of a pic i posted on fb with some comments , one i misread that he didnt like but instead of saying that he was like yea i saw your response but it still wasnt regarding the nigga that said your pants were on his floor! blah blah i was mad basically because he had an opportunity to be honest and just say like i dont like that and that wouldve made me feel good but instead he made me feel bad. and also like i said i missed him this and that but he like would pick out the least important part and respond to that and i just wasnt getting any reciprocation. but yea like...i changed my status on fb to pissed off. and he was like im sorry, no need to be upset. then he was like i miss you and i have been thinking about you dont be all mean then he said i didnt mean to call you mean i dont want to make it worse lol hes gotten like really adorable he CARES now. i have power that i didnt before. i can make him really mad or sad. like last night was horrible but epic at the same time im glad. i mean it was like i went over there to tell him what i wanted out of a relationship (even though we're not together) like.. basically to like..omg im so tired ok im going to sum it up i compared him to areeb told em he treats his sister beter than he treats me and he got mad and was like if thats what you want i cant give you that so i decided it was time to turn on the waterworks. at one point like he knew i was crying but he was like is there anything else Michelle? i dont think so. nothings happened that i didnt tell you would happen and he was beng like real cold and i was losing hope then...man im so fucking tired! im gunna have to type this tomorrow excuse me lol.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................k im back lol its 118pm the next dAY (thursdayyy) and im off! so i can do whatever i want :) ANYWAY okay SO. anyway yea so he was being super cold i was about to leave but i was trying to calm down because Chris was in the living room and I didnt want him to see me leaving like that SO yea he told me to come back out cause he wanted to talk to me some more so i was like in the corner and he was like i dont know why youre getting so upset and i was like REALLY. i was like i dont know why you act like that and hes like cause im an asshole and i was like no youre not and hes like YES I AM and i was like i know you dont want me to walk out that door and never come back. youre acting like you dont care but i know you do. and i was like i didnt say all that to make you feel bad i was just trying to tell you how i feel. all you have to do is tell me that you'll try. that's it. and he was sitting on the bed, had been for minute, like the whole time, with his face in his hands. and i sat there i think i kind of checked out for a minute and was just in my own head cause when he spoke it took a minute to register and like took me aback a bit i just didnt expect it. but he was like I can try. and it wasnt like shit i guess i can try but i cant make any promises he said it like i am willing to try to make this work like it was sincere. and i mean idk i didnt know what to do i just like went over to him on my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms were around my waist like super tight and i cried on his shoulder just for a little bit. it was a long hug. then i pulled back and looked at him and honestly it looked like his eyes were a little wet too!!! like...i couldnt believe it. and he was like looking at me and i was just rubbing his hair. and he was like idk why i act like that and i was like i dont want to change you. and i hugged him again and idk how but we started kissing and yea then we were just like passionately making out and i wrapped my legs around him on the edge of the bed and yea it was clear we were going to have sex and we did and of course it felt super good its just...everythings different now. i mean i thought i would be okay i went over there knowing if i said what i was gunna say i might have to leave i just didnt expect him to let me ad when it actually came to that point i was like you do care about this boy and you dont want to just walk out on him. like i dont want to give up on him. i dont know for sure...but at least that night it definitely felt like i loved him. and he doesnt love me yet but we definitely have something neither of us wants to let go of. and the next day he was going to let me take a pic and i did but i looked ugly lol i ended up posting it anyway and he liked it on IG but on fb he untagged himself. idk i had a feeling he would. Konrad was saying the only reason he wouldve done that is to cheat but i mean. idk what the deal is but i dont think thats it so i just told em i was going to drop the picture issue and like it was just me being paranoid and territorial but i mean its bestg i think if we dont unless its serious career wise and etc. like if we're officially together ok but yea. i mean. i told em i was just being a girl and i didnt want to make it seem like we have a bunch of issues that we dont. and that he has been like a different person lately in a good way and thank you for putting up with my bullshit. i wasnt expecting a prompt response or anything. and it didnt think he was going to say something reassuring. but he did. it was so sweet. he said "and ok thats fine if its ok with you. im happy with how things are going:)" and i was like yay. went to bed feeling really good. i think its probably safe to like..stop being paranoid and just like..see that we're basically in a relationship we're just not like..parading it around. but he knows how much the fb thing means to me and he knows like if we're going to be officially in a relationship hes going to have to change his status and i think one day he will. i just think he likes appreciates me now and that ive stuck around and he likes being around me. he acts like its like oh we're just having fun but its more than that. he cares that i mad now and wants to fix it instead of just avoiding it. and he doesnt want to be without me. so i do have collateral. i just have to not abuse it. and not like do all the stupid stuff i did before. but that boy really likes me. i mean like everytime i pray im like God if he cares...God i want your will...and i mean with me backing off things have completely changed. i think hes worth it. hes not in the best place in the whole wide world right NOW but it doesnt matter to me. idk whats going to happen in the future all i know is its REALLY hard to picture it without Corey. I try but when it comes down to actually walking away it doesnt feel right. im hoping we can grow together now instead of apart. we may not be in love yet but we're on our way and idk we're working through things and its good. ive told him just about everything thats on my heart EXCEPT the l word and he hasnt run away. i told em if theres any girl in the whole wide world that deserves him when he decides he wants to give it away its me. idk. idk how to describe it its new and different but out of everyone ive talked to this whole time through college etc without being in a realtionship it has never been like this. if i give it time. i mean its almost been 4 months. if i give it time. its going to pay off. things will get better for him and when they do ill be there. and little by little im becoming a part of his life. we spend a lot of time together. eventually like when he gets used to me being part of his routine hopefully he'll want me to meet his parents. thats gunna be huge. after that taking pics should be fine. but like i get it. there was no reason for me to post that pic. if i wanna take pics and keep em not post em just have em that makes sense. but like..there was no TRUE reason why i needed to do that. just territorialism and blah blah. i dont care if people know right now. like i told him dont talk about it until theres something to talk about. can i see it getting serious now? yes. cause he is emotionally committed. i just gotta like... idk let it be. not bring it up. know that he cares and we are making a LOT of progress. its not just going to stay where it is he likes me more the more we hang out. i want to see him today but if i dont thats fine. cause im off saturday i can see him tomorrow night. finally though i think its okay to go ahead and believe that this is happening. i can have faith and confidence in it now cause its the will of God and hes giving us his blessing. hopefully things keep getting better and ill have a date to Coronas wedding.im taking pics then. period lol but yea i dont expect a christmas present or anything crazy. id love to get him something but i dont want to make him feel bad.