Happy Ending. PEACE FINALLY

I remember praying to God like...Fridayh night liek God please. Ive been doing this so long I know it takes time but could you just take my pain away? I dont want to take months and keep crying and feeling bad please just take it away. and then with the events of Saturday i literally like..I knew I wasnt going to cry over Corey anymore. Friday was a night of him wanting me to come over but i was in kingwood and even if i hadnt been i wouldnt have wanted to see him. and just going back and forth about how we miss eachother and i dont want anyone but him blah blah. then saturday i was like mad but i finally realized it wasnt the lack of commitment that bothered me as much as how he treated me that amde me feel like he didnt respect or value me. and so i told em all the things he did when i was there sunday night and mnday that pissed me off. and he gave me an assholish response so i said something bitchy and it was supposed to be over. but i had anxiety and then i wanted to text em but thought it wouldnt make things any better. but at some point i swear it was just like...idk man. it was like something snapped in my mind i had like this epiphany. that i was the one that needed to change. i NEEDED to worry about me not base my life on a boy. hes not an asshole hes RIGHT. and some of the stuff he said to me in the past didnt hurt my feelings it hurt my ego. but it was true. hes the first person with the balls to tell me about myself and ive always wanted to changed but i never thoughti could get over my need to be loved by a boy. and so itd be easier to just find a boy. but i mean for the first time ..ever that day i wanted to be alone. i WANTED to not be with anybody. didnt want to talk to someone else or try to move on didnt want to get into a relationship with him. just wanted to do me and then i felt thankful. all of a sudden i realized it was a gift. and we talked about it i told em like i was the one who put all the pressure on things trying to turn it into what i thought it should be but i dont really know and it was fine how it was. this whole fairy tale ill find my prince. really? im not like miss buttercup here. my favorite color is black. im not a fucking princess and i dont want to be what do i need a prince for? idc how it happens or when or what i just want to be in love with someone who feels the same for me i like the excite ment and adventure of it all. but this whole time i havent been true to myself. i dont cook or clean for myself why did i feel the need to play susie home maker with him? i made myself out to be what i thought guys want but he only wanted the real me. and buying him all that shit like i just didnt have to do any of the overboard shit i did to try to force it or blackmail him into what i thought i wanted. truth is what i want is what we have i just dont want anyone else to have him and i like to take pics and show him off. thats it. and he FINALLY said soemthing to put me at peace ill put the important part. im never deleting this text: "You're fucking awesome and beautiful and You are your first priority. and I am mine. I love the person you are. That's why i stuck with you this whole time :) lol I'm deeply sorry. Im not an asshole by heart. I chose to be. I was just trying to be real. Im sorry. I do care for you deeply. Fucking deeply." and it goes on to less important parts. thats what i wanted all this time for him to VOCALIZE HIS FEELINGS. the l word was used but it wasnt like I love you so I'm not taking it as that. He loves me in the way that I love him but neither of us has let ourselves be like IN love yet. it may happen it may not but for once im at peace like I realize and hes the reason like I had put off my goals and decided they werent important like lets settle down and have kids soon. THATS NOT ME. theres things i want to do and thats ok! Im young and this is a building period i need to focus on myself for once in my life instead of a damn boy. and i dont have to be sad cause im not going to lose Corey. He wants to be with me too hes just got his mind in the place it needs to be to accomplish what he wants to accomplish and a title is not that important and who cares what people think. this person has changed me for the better i see it now. its not a bad thing. i need to work on myself. but i did tell him yday like did he want to hang out before he went on his cruise and that i did miss him and he was like yes i want to see you before i leave! and i said today would be better for me but he told me his friend was coming home from turkey and he knew theyd all be chillin and he didnt want to neglect me so we said yday or wednesday but i wanted to see him so i went over there last night. it was so worth it. WAY better than i expected and it was honestly like one of THE best nights weve ever had together just because of how he was acting. he fixed all the things i said were bothering me it was like a totally different person the person i love to death. i came in and he like gave me a hug and told me to put my stuff up then i came back and he was all on me. like then turned me around and was all on me again. so sweet like just holding me up against him and looking at me and i was like did you miss me and he was like yes and then hed kiss me and i was like i missed you too and hes like i know and we were just like smooching ya know lol and he showed me some clothes and then we went to his room and were talking. one of my friends that he knows brougth up a threesome to me which he was fascinated by and i was like omg you wanna fuck my friend in front of me then he was like denying it blah blah the whole time i was getting mad for some reason this wa skind of turning me on : / weirdo lol anyway and then i was like what the hell would you do if i wanted a threesome with you and one of your friends and he kept asking me which one and he just was like ok youre just trying to piss me off now and i was loving it cause i never felt like hed care before. but yea idk the whole night was just awesome he was all on me kissin me this and that. we talked about a lot of stuff but nothing negative. then we had sex and of course it was great we were high. hung out with chris for a while. we were up farely late. i think we had sex twice and he was like down for a third time lol then he left and i thought he never came back cause when i woke up at 5am he was on the couch but i didnt wake him up caise he was snoring. then at 6 he came in and like was all on me saying he didnt want me to leave and i needed to call in this and that and im like OMG I WISH I COULD cause i wanted to stay with him sooo bad. and he was kissing me and whatnot and we had sex then he reluctantly let me go but before that he was like yea you can probably come over wednesday lol i was like yea cause this is too short so its like we were on the same page. he wasnt on his phone it was all about me and i felt soooo special and so loved and it was just great. when i left like..i mean the feelins are still there. thats a big part of how i act i just really freaking like the kid hes my favorite thing to do so yea i want to spend a lot of time with him. PAUSE. he just sent me a snapchat saying he just wanted to say whats up because he hadnt responded in a couple hours so hows work? YOU SEE. ADORABLE. that is thoughtful. im actually about to take a nap. so im not going to respond cause i dont feel like turning the light on etc. see. i can do that because its my life and i can do whatever i want :) im still learnin g what i like and dont like and what i want but im going to work on getting a better relationship with myself lmao anyway yea but yea so im going back tomorrow YES. cant wait cause he is just. ugh.i love that kid. and get this! he told me like his dad bought him some slacks and dress shirts his size and hes getting them tailored. and im like wow NOW you have dress clothes and this was after i told sarena i was gunna go with her cause she asked and he was like well i quit my job so im definitely not working that day. and its like he wanted to go with me. and sarena was totally cooll with it! yay! its just crazy to me God really does listen. i mean. I wanted him to go to the wedding with me. didnt think he WOULD. that makes me so happy. thats gunna be really fun for us. im happy. i have everything i want in life honestly. and SO much to look forward to its like i have my zest for life back he really woke me up. Thank you God for this. all this time i was praying hed have an epiphany when i was the one who needed it !