Church

Lakewood is amazing.
these people have gifts
every service is exactly what i need to hear
its like God speaking to me
telling me "Dont listen to them, youre right"
and i find out all these things ive thought are true
in the bible
that im not wrong
that theres people who understand me
& that Someone loves me
i know i have to let stuff go
today was the first day in a long time i dont feel heart broken
just lonely
but im letting go of everything
all my friends all my previous hobbies
previous love interests
so i have not one single thing in my hand
& just spend my time giving to others
& trying to please God
& i know he has a blessing just waiting for me
an out of this world blessing
bigger than my wildest dreams
or exactly what im dreaming of
ill have a whole new life
ill have my own things to do
separate from the people who have rejexcted me
so ill say "oh no sorry i cant, ive got my own life to live"
not that, but you know what i mean.
i wont have to take care of random ppl just to feel needed
ill have someone to take care of me
im just going to keep speaking power in Gods direction
& keep beliving
& i know hell prove me right
i believe in magic
& though it seems ive talked to every boy i possibly could at this school
& screwed myself into a corner
there is no one else
i could be wrong
& He is always right
'even if he has to drop one down from the sky
if its in his will he could do that
so my hands are empty
not one sinlge dip
not one single prospect
not one single hope
so when the new guy comes
i will have noooo baggage
but now i just have to keep my eyes on God
& try to please him in all my ways
& pray constantly for strength and patience
study him like i study my books
& distract myself
& i know life will just continue to go up from here