what i know now

& this time ill remember. to be Godly in my reactions to people
to be patient & kind.
& no matter what, not play games
not treat people bad
ever.
& when someone tries to fight with me, stand up for myself
but never retaliate or be rude
i gotta stay conscious.
now i know people fight
\& i gotta remember in that moment when i think "o whats the worst that could happen" or "that wont happen to us"
when i find myself bragging thinking i got someone in check
i need to humble myself & thank god for answering my prayers
& ask him to help me not screw it up
because we dont deserve what we get & qwhen we get cocky we lose it
& you never get a second chance
ill have to remember when i think "i was happier single"
that i wasnt. i cried. a lot. i struggled all the time
just waiting for my chance to get to be wth someone
waiting to forget so i could b surprised
i spend so much time daydreaming im impossible to surprise
ill have to remember. & ask myself why im running
you always fight with someone you care about
i need to be the peacemaker & just not fight
& cherish the person i care about
& just pray to God for an answer of what i should do & to help me calm down & handle it in the right manner
and if i have nothing nice to say say nothing at all
& dont vent to my friends
dont send rude or LONG texts EVER
just wait til were in person
& if i wanna see them, dont hint & get mad or be rude
just say so.
just SAY SO.
or it turns into "heartbreak warfare". seeing as i dont ever wanna be here again,
i just have to look around & memorize my surroundings
*looks around*
i see loneliness. i see regret, empty bed next to me. wishes & hopes.
of what i could have done
dreams of being with someone
LONGING. tears & misery,
thats what i see.
& a little irritation every now & then from not always getting to be with someone exactly when i want
is nothing compared to feeling so unwanted & undesriable
i can handle a little up & down
blah. when i finally find someone
gotta be patient
im working on that
right now, im stalking rosters & facebook
but i know i just gotta give up
i promise guys can just walk outside & find a pretty girl
for me its so rare
once in a blue moon i meet someone i can actually talk to
im officially declaring this a dry spell
so ill just sit here
alone with my new wisdom
til i forget & then God will bless me with someone
sigh. here it goes.