college life?

is it oveR? i mean did i overstay my welcome?
even the boy i thought actually liked me has started acting a mess
i think im just going to ignore him from now on
i hate this feeling of rejection
& like im not pretty anymore
everytime i go out i feel less & less attractive
this awkward stage haircut is noooooo fun
but im not cutting it,
ill just have to be patient.
i went to an event at school. felt like socializing
its surely not what it used to be
'especially with absolutely NO ONE to impress
sigh. i prayed in the bathroom for God to give me patience
to wait for life to get exciting again
i feel like..its all just old & its not gunna get better
im not gunna meet any new boys unless theyre younger
& im oh so tired of that
i wanted somebody of equal social standing so we could go out & socialize together :(
and now i feel like
i wish i could go back & undo A LOT
just do it all differently
so i wiuldnt suck the well dry
& now..the only thing about school is the learning
& lately ive been REALLY considering going back to BJ
cause..idk. cause im bored
but im trying to leave my hands open
i thought God wanted me to go to this event
although now i cant imagine why
sigh. i just gotta drop the social thing
not worry about that
& drop the campus love affair thing
i wont get another chance for that
the devil child was the last chance
sigh
ive blown so much
but i know God will give me better memories
that will stomp all over the ones in my imagination
simply for the fact that i believe
its coming
ill be patient
its just not my turn yet
gotta hold on