good day

its always a good day til the night comes lol
seriously i dont even like coming to my room anymore. except late at night to sleep. its like..and i cant focus to study
my head is not i9n school right now
the video gets me excited sometimes
idk. its a lot in my head
i really feel like all i can do is chase things that make me happy at the moment
to get that temporary high
like i can never be just happy
i really think its gunna have to be love.
to love & be loved. i think thats the one thing that will actually complete me
idk how to do this be happy by yoursaelf thing
im just not lol like nothing is fun, i have no passion but for boys which is embarrassing and sad
like how low is my self esteem? i didnt think it was low anymore
but seriously the last couple days have been rough i been struggling this week
i feel fat everyday. seeing that scale go UP when i been bustingmy butt making hard choices for so long is like unbeaRable
all of a sudden im really aware of all my fat again
i can feel my rolls right now
& working out int he morning, i do not like at all. honestly
it took away my fruit at night which was enough to hold me over
& it just leaves so much space for doing nothing
& i just dont like it
not to the least but idc cause i cant do all those people
i think this guy at work kinda brought me down to
idk it wasnt a bad convo just too long and annoying
a lot of people like they talk to me..theres like 4 or 5 boysi know want to talk to me right now ands i do not have a single ounce of interest in any of them
i feel no connection
all i want is passion i dont wanna play house anymore with someone i dont like.
the only people i wanna be around lately are the fallen, etc.
even tho my ex son has lost his mind
i like them better,
we just laugh and have so much fun,
even though theyre obsessed with music,. theyre so talented
im getting used to it
i just wish it wasnt so easy for me to lean on people. its like i must.
& im not a fan why cant i be with someone, leave and go about my business without thinking of them
how could i possibly consider the fallen a prospect?
omg he doesnt even think he did me wrong. & his phone is full of girls he admitted it hes oin his dog ish right now
hes in complete denial
but idk we have fun & hes attractive im just glad to have my friend back right now & someone i can be with often
but i have cravings every night
every night. today i had half a hot dog and two buns
but i really wanna pig out i havent had that urge in forever but i wanna eat something that tastes good so bad
its just depressing to not see any results i feel like im getting worse im squishy & im just not happy about it right now
i pray its pms but seriously? like 2 weeks before my period? im nervous about the shoot. all together i just feel bad
its like as soon as i leave work it comes. the negativity
i just want to do stuff thats not good
chase boys. eat bad. its bad & idk whats wrong i need help before i sabotage myself,
uis this life? seriously. or is it just being young
when is it not going to be like this cause i effing hate it