letting it fade away

eh, things come & go
tyG for giving me peace
& my sense of self back just..in the fact that i am who i am period.
its nice to know again
still trying to draw back closer to Him
i got off track for so long
ive made progress in all other areas except the most important
about to read scripture now & try to get back in the routine
im excited for tomorrow to be over so i can go back into hiding
havent texted or talked to the boy since um. tuesday?
im happy actually
i feel myself starting to get over him. now all i gotta do is let myself
if i can just get into my books & my structure, i wont have time for a boy anyway
got a shoot planned for vday. well before, but the pics will be up
kind of an f love shoot. to redeclare myself. cant wait its gunna be great
just spent like 2 hours organizing my life for school
i love doing that
it makes me feel in control..shoot even if im not
but an update.
boys..are a distraction,
if i just live life & do what im supposed to & participate mentally in my life..i wont have time for one
as for THE boy, idk. i feel us slipping away.
i feel like we've gone as far as we can
we had fun when we were "talking" but i dont feel progress upto this point is up to par
& im just now entertaining the idea that were not meant to be
i prolonged it as long as i could but it doesnt hurt anymore
id be happy if he felt the way i need him to feel about me
but he doesnt & its not something you grow into
its something thats already there that u just dig deeper into over time
im thinking the reaosn im so into him is lack of selection as usual
so im just waiting for a new prospect
but at the same time..i dont even want to get close to someone new
seeing where it goes (nowhere)
so im good. just wanna be over him completely so i can go on with life
i mean itll be fine to have that little unfinished business & someone to impress when u go out
& someone to flirt w/ if u see em
but im over thinking its gunna be more
were on different pages in life, basically in different books
its not his fault or mine guess it just isnt what i thought itd be
but hey, whatever. lifes not over
i might see em tomorrow @ lillies pre game. might not. im not expecting anything
had a convo with God yday about helping me not contact him
caus ei know its gunna b like..i want someone to go back to afterwards cause everyones gunna go their separate ways to all their different boos
& im gunna want one. but eh, im done doing it
im not happy with any of my current..whatever they are
especially this one. we should b closer by now
i just wanna talk to em everyday. tell e/o everything. be best friends over anything
but were just acquaintances with the occasional intimate slip up every now & then
im not convinced he has any intentions of furthering it ever.
& im interested to see how long we go without talking from here lol
i seriously think it could b two weeks before i see em again & itll be by accident if i dont tomorrow. pretty sure hell be there. but anyway
tyG cause i think about em less & less & when i do its just realizations of how different reality is from my previous thoughts.
thank you for releasing me from the nightmare.
things are getting back to normal
im loving him less everyday
and loving myself more
really:) which is awesome!
i do have a crush. shoot but i dont c that going anywhere lol
ps though...he hasnt updated his fb status since...idk maybe last week? tuesday maybe? he gets on but only briefly i think on his phone to do little stuff,.
his classes are all like easy core stuff. i guess he plays bball at night idk what hes been doin. but hes def been "busy" smh lol