AMAZING WEEKEND. now I know for sure WHY I want to be with him and now i KNOW he wants me too

ok update first. so we were talking again. definitely not a lot and though it seemed somewhat normal he went right back to ignoring me so I just sent em how I felt saying look if you have something to say say it but i dont deserve being ignored. and he sent me this retarded text saying basically hes been avoiding me cause hes been holding in that he KNOWS that i like him more than he likes me and if we keep hanging out im going to keep liking him more and more and all he can focus on is himself right now. sigh. so i guess i saw what i wanted to see and responded kinda wrong but hey it was from the heart. it was like five full pages basically pep talking on how he was wron g and i think we'll be good for eachother and i wont be so needy after the show etc. i even made a beyonce and jay z reference LMAO this was before i re-read and realized it was basically a "he's not that into you" situation. then i was just annoyed and had basically given up on him. didnt expect him to text me til like friday to tell me he wasnt coming and i definitely didnt expect him to come. it had been like the twilight zone for two weeks i mean..i didnt know the kid anymore so yea i had basically given up. then randomly thursday he texted me saying that he had been reading and rereading my texts for a day and he tried to come up with a response but he was tired and juust wanted to put it to the side if i didnt mind. and that he was sorry for stressing me and hoped the week hadnt been to bad because of him. and to tell him my schedule cause he got off at 8 and give me the address to the hotel. i was shocked but it almost felt wrong i was thinking of telling him not to come. but what i did instead was just make sure he knew id be fine without him if he was coming out of obligation he didnt have to and that i made these plans with him in mind but that was when he liked me and i wouldnt be surprised or have my feelings hurt if he just wanted to come to the show and leave. but he said he definitely wanted to support me and it was going to be a long fun weekend and that was that and i was like..alright then. didnt know what to expect but it actually turned out ...amazing. anyway okay moving forward

why i want to be with him : Because he takes care of me. He really does when it comes down to it hes really not selfish. he can be very self LESS. i'll have to remember how much he supported me this weekend I mean he was just...flawless. Where do I begin. I really couldn't have imagined it would be like it was. As of now I'm just going to leave it be I haven't texted him, don't plan to and he hasn't texted me. We can start from scratch now because I don't want him to think that like..idk. I'm trying to back off I don't want him to feel pressured. I finally realized what it is is that we both just love being with eachother. Like physically being together. Not even just sex or kissing anything we just love to be in eachothers presence and yea we always end up on eachother. I guess I'll recap the whole weekend. I gotta be quick (never happens) cause I need to study. Anyway okay so I was with Dustyn and we'd been toge3ther all day and I planned sloppily so it was all kind of thrown together and I was irritable. He didn't get there til like....11 basically cause he left late as fuck. but yea when he came it wasn't like a heartfelt reunion i didn't even hug him cause i thought he was just there like as a friend or whatever and i was determined to not make him feel special at all. so basically idk we chilled. and he met dustyn. and at one point he did like wrap his arms around me and pull me close and it was weird because i was like why are you doing this if you dont like me and i wouldnt really get close. then i forgot my food and he offered to take me to the store and he did. then he paid for all my shit! took me back to the hotel. and we all hung out and then decided to try to go to bed dustyn slept on the couch and we closed the door and watched tv and stuff. the lights were off but we werent really on eachother. i hadnt complimented him or said anything affectionate either. but yea several times he would like roll over and put his arm around me and kind of lay on me and i wasnt really being receptive at all. and he was like gosh why r u so rude to me now. but at some point idk how we got on the topic but he was kind of on me like that and i just told him i didnt think he would come he doesnt care he doesnt like me and i dont know why hes here and he was just like omg and like had his hand on my face and he was like well i am here and then he pulled my face in and kissed me and i was like fucking a. i mean really like a fucking smooch is like magical with this kid. its undeniable theres no way he doesnt feel it theres no way its like electricity. literally. amazing. then of course there were several kisses. and we were just like passionately making out and holding eachother and yea we ended up having sex lol it was amazeballs it never got dry which was awesome ugh it feels so good now and he always kisses me. idk our connection is deeper now i KNOW he feels it there is no WAY he doesnt. i freaking love it. best feeling in the world. never fails. just one smooch. idk. so yea the first night was awesome. then in the morning tara came did my makeup blah. then we went i checked in and we came back to the room. went back at like 11. sociailized sandra got there and the same time she met him and he was really nice. sandras behavior yday is a whole nother story but Corey was on point. at first he was walking with his friend chad behind me and i was with dustyn but he didnt say anything and i was just like its okay im just gunna let him do his thing today he doesnt want me up under him and then he like walked ahead really fast and started calling someone and i looked and saw he was calling me so i called him back and he was like i was looking for you i was like you were behind me the whole time! it was pretty awesome he was looking for me all day like he stayed with me all day if i walked away he would get mad lol he got me some hica max. we talked to people. chad is an ass. i dont really care about him. everyone else was nice though. not super interested in me i definitely wasnt hot shit like i thought id be. wasnt by ANY MEANS the best looking girl there. body or face. so i didnt get much attention except from him. he kept telling me how good i looked and he said he was proud of me :) he was there when i didnt do as well as i thought he was the first one to come and hug me. he drove me back and forth all day. drove dustyn home for me. and at the end of the night we had decided to go to hooters but he could tlel i wanted pizza he was like its whatever you want its not about me at all this is all about you and he paid for the pizza. he was like offering to pay for everything this weekend. and he did everything i needed or wanted. and like the pda. he would hold my hand and like one time he was looking for me and he was like going down a ramp and i was over the rail and i walked right up to it and he saw me and we were just right there talking and caking and he kisses me a lot :) and puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. like he didn't act funny in front of his friends and he was very affectionate. he felt weird around garrisen though. i was on his lap and he wouldnt take a kissy pic with me bc garrisen came in lol and like...this old mutual friend of me and garrisen asked me if we were still together and i told em corey was my bf and like corey got kinda like..aggressive lol and like the guy told me garrisen said we were still together. idk maybe he meant someone else i dont want to ask but when i told corey he definitely seemed secretly bothered. which is nice like he gives a shit. but yea i mean i wasnt hot shit like i thought id be just dominating. but he gave me all the attention and juust pampered me. and like okay so we went back ate pizza smoked and i fell asleep which i was so mad because i wasted all that time with him. and we woke up late. but we had breakfast and went back to the room and he was on me cause i was cold. lol then i turned around cause i said he was being mean and he like pulled me all close and was breathing on my neck and we ended up having sex lol it was ok kind of dry. i k now we did it at least four times. its not as outrageously many times anymore we just like to be around eachother. and then like we parted ways just ya know, kiss hug goodbye nothing special he said text me i didnt plan to lol and then like i got all the way to the woodlands and realized he had mky debit card (which has zero dollars on it -__- ) so i called em and told em id go get it. so i went there. freaking jacked up my bumper hitting somebody. then i was like do you just wanna bring it out (this was before i hit the car) and he said yea but was like do you wanna come see my place and i was like yea ok i know you want me to cause he asked me a GAZILLION times this weekend lol and i kept saying no. haha but yea PLACE IS AMAZING HIS LIFE IS RIDICULOUS ITS EVEN MORE CHARMED THAN MINE. i love his friggin apt. and chris is nice in person. but yea so i got to spend even MORE time with him today. we went to get icecream for everyone and he still offered to pay but i hit him and wouldnt let him lol but yea anyway soooo i went and i told em i was gunna leave cause chris was coming back and i felt weird i didnt know if he wanted me there or like how long i should stay without being annoying and i just felt like i was imposing and he swore i wasnt. so i stayed. and chris brought him food and he made me come sit by him and gave me food like making sure i wasnt hungry and yea we watched movies and all laughed and talked or whatever went outside they were smoking but i didnt. and we talked about my tats. blah blah. chris doesnt like to hear me talk very long apparently lol hell kind of cut me off so ill be more point blank in the future haha. but yea and then like when we came back in he was like ima go inside and did the head thing for me to come and then i went to the bathroom and when i came back i was going to go sit beside him and he pulled me in his lap :) and we stayed that way for a while. that was like the theme of the weekend i was in his lap a lot. at the hotel and at the show backstage. and yea. we watched movies and just chilled. when we actually did get ice cream he broke everybody but ours lol and felt really bad i tried to make em feel better. then like he needed to shower so i told em id leave when i finsihed my food and he was like you know you dont have to go and i was like but you need to shower and stuff and he was like well dont turn it around on me lol and i just..didnt think he like actually wanted me to stay, i dont want to overstay my welcome over there so only if i feel like he really wants me to stay. no but i look forward to going over there and spending the night. i think that will be fun i like it over there. but yea soooo theres that. it was amazing i got to spend SO much time with him. in my mind i was like everything happens for a reason so whats the point of me forgetting my card. i thought it would just annoy him cause he just saw me but i actually got to spend more time with him and finally meet chris. and my car is jacked up a little but which will eventually be expensive but you know what, worth it. every second of this weekend was worth it if not only because of him. i mean i didnt even know if we were like back together but when tara asked him how long wed been to0gether he almost said two months but i8 corrected him because we didnt immediately start dating, but yea i mean. i gues i was right us being around eachother changed things and i definitely think it brought us closer and made him realize his feelings. i mean we BOTH just love being together and habging out and doing stuff together. lifes better together than apart thats all it is. he hasnt started liking all my stuff yet but idk if hes really just been on fb i think he has. whatever. he was so amazing this weekend it doesnt even matter. i was just like..i wanted to tell em thank you for taking such amazing care of me this weekend but i dont want to say nice things to him anymore lol and if he misses it then i will but for now no ha. but yea, and he thinks i should compete again in four weeks and i really want to. he said hed drive me so we'd actually get to do this all again. i think i can do well if i lean out about 3 to 4 more percent and raise my glutes and 4 weeks is plenty of time. im already leanER now so it wont be so bad and desperate trying to come down more. but yea so amazing weekend. i just.. love being with him. i love this sport to i like competing. one day he'll be competing and i'll have to be there for him like he was me. hopefully i can compete with him but if not ill just go to support him. always. even when he goes to nationals. idk. this weekend surprised me b ut it hus===just went so well. he sweeps me off my feet hes so chivalrous he tries to act like hes selfish etc but hes not. he can be. but hes actually really really sweet and caring and supportive and he makes me SO happy. i just wont tell em. let him tell me if he has certain feelings, but yea...now i know i hope i dont forget. i see how he looks at me you cant fake how we are. he wants to be close to me. he wants to spend time with me he doesnt get sick of me. i KNOW he feels how i feel hes just not as vocal. but i know now. we may not be in love. and yes we do fight. we argue over stupid things. and we push eachothers buttons but we just love being with eachother and we are good for eachother. and i can see this going on for a long time. im excited for all the memories we'll make :) thank you God for answering my prayers I couldnt have asked for more. You know my heart and you know Corey is better than winning to me. you gave me what i really wanted thank you SO much. i love you!