he did NOT cheat, but it IS over, and he IS an asshole

the sooner I let this go the better off I;ll be. idk why no matter what he says or does i still want him back. oh because i LOVE THIS FOOL. damnit. with all his issues with all his assholery i still love him and above all i just want to be with him. last night after i saw the pic i sent him like 4 pages of meanness of how he was scum etc. and then he just said "youre wrong, but okay bye" and i was like REALLY,. i thought he was going to be feeling horrible cause he got caught or some shit whatever. then he sent me a long message this morning at like..9:30 i could tell he was thinking about it all night saying the picture was old and i was out of line for all the things i said and that he wouldnt go back with her blah blah, he knows something is wrong with him he doesnt like perfection he likes a struggle and he knows i am probably just what he needs but hes going to do this all alone and leave everyone in the dust and when hes at the top hell see whos still there and maybe then hell find someone? but he definitely doesnt need someone saying the shit i said blah blah and like..just bs. he doesnt text people when he doesnt want to he doesnt drive when he doesnt want to and he doesnt want things he sees as a distraction? he was just....it was the most assholish statement he has made period. so i went off. i told em he needs to change his mindset and that i dont want anything to do with him i dont take it back because i meant every word and i hope it hits home until something inside him changes cause hes young and doesnt have to be so stuck in his ways. whatever i got everything off my chest and then when he sent me a three page response i didnt read it (hes already blocked) and in told him i wasnt going to read it and that we just dont need to talk cause we're clearly bad for eachother and only cause eachother discomfort and drama and were lucky we dont ever HAVE to see eachother or talk which neither of us wants. "so yea, bye Corey" and that was it. he didnt respond. ive showed several people and im pretty sure i ruined his day. which..like what do i get for thaT? besides the fact that he finally gets to feel bad. and I prayed for God to save his soul just in case theres still hope. but in general, i think he probably just hates me and theres probably nothing in this world that could ever make him want me back at this point. nobody wants to be talked to loike that. hes not about to be like "youre right'. and im never reading that message...not til like months from now because i know hes just going to make me feel worse and i dont want to feel bad anymore ive felt bad for a long time i am wanting to move on. the only problem is i still love him and i still want him back. but at least now he doesnt think that. idk what he thinks of me now im sure its horrible. but whatever. i had nothing to lose anyway he didnt want me he was walking around feeling great while im over here crying every single day i just want him to feel remorse. at first i could see him hitting me up in a week or so simply because he thinks hes such a good person and probably doesnt want there to be anyone who thinks hes just an asshole... and like idk maybe apologizing. wanting me to forgive him and tell him i dont think hes a bad person but im not giving him the satiosfaction hes just going to have to live with the fact that popular and beloved as he may be there is one person who thinks he is the scum of the earth. but at this point...we'll never speak again. im not apologizing and i know hes not going to. i just want him to like....text me and be like i think we need to talk. and i will fight him on it make him beg. and then when i finally agree ill go over there and still wont say it. still wont tell him what he wants to hear. i would loooooooove for by some miracle the tables to turn and then OH ILL GIVE YOU A STRUGGLE. but he doesnt love me. he already didnt like me anymore now he dislikes me. we;re done. i want him to feel stupid but he probably wont though i am still going to try to make him jealous every chance i get. idk.....i wish my stupid heart would give up. i could feel bad for ruining things but no. maybe THIS was the transfer of emotions cause i know hes feeling something now even if its anger. i just havent fully accepted that its over. but i am so mad at him for ruining my dream. and i know...ive seen...how AMAZING he can be it just breaks my heart that someone else is going to get that one day i prayed i said God could it be me? im never freaking that girl. i would use all my wishes to be that girl. his weakness. the one he lets in. the one that changes him. i love him so much. and i just have to hide it asnd let him go. it really feels like absolute shit. but today was a good day. hopefully tomorrow will be better and though im hoping that if i give it a week things will blow over and maybe hell not hate me and actually miss me and maybe talk to me...as time goes on if we dont talk ill slowly start to give up hope and move on. its going to be hard though. really hard. i wish wish wish that he would just stop to think for two seconds and want to fix it. that magically my words would get through to him. i want him to be mine so bad.