we peaked

Now that I read back...i mean...things did get better after i told em how i felt. but i mean...he was ALWAYS holding back. and just...didnt always treat me that great. he made me feel pretty shitty most the time actually. we peaked around the 23-25th of september and since then and before that...its always been me. i shouldnt have LET myself fall for him given how he acted ....and he warned me. i mean its like when we're together when he looks at me when he kisses me i feel it but it couldve just been me....thats what hurts the most. kno0wing that this whole time he just led me on it was really only me and i truly did believe with all my heart that he was just holding back....hiding how he felt...but in truth ...he wasn't the feelings werent ever there. idk why he said he could see things getting more serious. he was telling the truth when he said he knew i liked him more than he liked me. the whole situation just hurts i kinda wish it never happened cause to have a taste of something that amazing and then just be expected to let it go and go on with life....yea, this blows. why is it always this way.. if he felt how i felt wed be so happy. these mofos just dont want me. i just want to be with him all the time and kiss him everyday and when we cant be together i want to be texting and i want it to be affectionate....if he did come back...which he wouldnt. if he did it would be for a bad reason and HE would regret it cause hed be reminded that he just doesnt feel anything for me... and he would still have his priorities out of wack id NEVER be first whed NEVER spend enough time with me or talk to me as much as i wanted. I AM NOT THAT GIRL for him. and it KILLS me. i mean my chest is full of SHREDS right now because my heart is in a thousand fucking pieces and there is nothing in the whole wide world that can mend it but time. and it just motherfucking sucks.