I WAS RIGHT. IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE.

get on fb to look at her page .....because ive had a feeling for a while it was because of her ever since i found out her and chad STILL werent together and he started acting weird. so i go to her page and i see a pic of her, chris, and him..on september 29th...the day he said he couldnt come over because he was sick because of hooters. and he came over the next day. didnt see him again for 2 weeks. so the absolute worse case scenario happened. all this time i was wanting him back. feeling like shit about MY self wondering what i couldve done. defending him. ... and he cheated on me. no wonder all his friends acted so weird. chris was all smiling and shit looking happy as hell. man. i knew it. honestly i really just didnt even want to go there. i mean..all this time...hes probably been hanging out with her all this time. ..... i pray thi9s is it. i dont want anjymore. ill never initiate anything ever the fuck again. i wont. not anything. i would rather be by myself that is fine because honestly ive finally had enolugh. this is like the 4th time this year my heart has been handed back to me fucked up...like its never good enough NEWSFLASH MOTHERFUCKERS I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL PURE HEART WORTH THE HEART OF A THOUSAND OF THESE HOES YOURE ALL GOING TO HELL. disgusting. i cant wash this nastiness off i feel...SO STUPID. and i just....God im sorry I was stupid I wont be anymore. I gotta lock this up tight honeslty. i can talk to you about it cry every spare second that I have but I can tell people about it. I cant talk about it. fuck. honestly i dont know what to do. i really dont. i thought things were going to get better soon but theyve only gotten worse. this IS chester. its always the damn ex they broke up SO long ago. everything he did this weekend was out of guilt. and the way he looks at me its because he KNOWS he is a dumbass. cause i am 50x better than her in every way and i was so motherfucking good to thid boy. there is nothing in this world that make this better. i just...i need a break. no more heart break this is all ic an take. im not doing that show. im not. i cant i dont want to i just need to heal myself right now. thats his life not mine. God please...please be here for me i am broken into a thousand pieces and youve healed me from pain like this before. if theres ANYTHING you can do. and please for heavens sake......SHUT UP THAT STUPID STUPID LOW SELF ESTEEM VOICE IN MY HEART THAT IS STILL THINKIN MAYBE HELL FEEL BAD AND COME BACK NOW AND TRY TO FIX IT BECAUSE I NEED TO GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS MOFO AS POSSIBLE. I SAID THERE WAS NOTHING I COULDNT FORGIVE HIM FOR BUT THIS IS IT. this is the thing. i wont. everything about him disgusts me now. he should be begging on his knees for my forgiveness but hes probably fucking that dirty bitch right now. oh God. the thought. my heart. please help me. nothing can help me I need a miracle it hurts SO much.