My LAst words to him - another good day

So I did text him this morning. cause it was 8am and I couldn't sleep. kept thking about what id say if he texted me. so I typed it up. then it was so good I just went ahead and sent it. left the phone in the car most the day. he nevr responded. not going to lie I thought he would but I thought he would've apologized or said something by now. this is unlike him. sadly it appears he really has changed. its very sad to me. anyway I had a good day. I miss him. had some anxiety this morning. I hope hes okay. thought he might've blocked me and never even read it. he didn't block me on ig though or unfollow me. so he doesn't hate me. idk. idk whats going on. this is the longest hes done this. I expected him to text me. guess hes sick of it. I do pray though that he at least read what I sent though I know he doesn't like to. but this is what I said


"You Promised me this wouldn't Happen again. You basically lied. You also lied when you said you were making a commitment not to smoke. That you were starting over from your moms house. That you were going to be a better person and didn't like who you'd become. God saved you from that life and instead of starting over you brought it to your moms house. You put your mom in danger and disrespect her every day not only by treating her like shit but by selling weed out of her house and then you're stingy with the money you make. You lie and manipulate. You use people. Youre greedy. Arrogant. When I met you you were a beautiful person. You were humble and sweet and caring. and I fought so hard to preserve that. And you betrayed my trust and faith by becoming this again. Apparently this is who you are. There is no good in you. I dont even know this person. Youre greedy and cruel. Something I would never have said before. I was there for you when you didn't have a dime. I came to see you every other day in that jail. I liked you for who you were on the inside I never cared how you look. And now that you're getting more technically physically attractive I cant even look at you. Everytime I see you you get worse. And its disgusting and makes me so sad. Never did I think I'd say I was happier and felt more free without you. But it's the truth. Youre mean. You have become a snot nosed brat. You are disrespectful and ungrateful to me. Worse than your mom. Anyone worth having in you're life and that TRULY cared about you wouldn't let you go down this path without saying anything. Instead of being you you're becoming Chris. But worse. You don't think twice about breaking promises to me. Me, Corey. Ive been like an angel in your life. The one person whose only crime ever against you was telling the truthnin a mean way. Who has NEVER let you down. The girl that has done everuthing for you and always believed in you. As a human being even when you didn't believe in yourself. The one you value least. Youre not strong enough to live this life and not let it take over you no one is. And for all this money and so called success you have to take the short cut to, you're sacrificing the only thing of true value you have. Your soul. Your heart is getting smaller. Youre shaming God, your mom, and me. And for what? Damn I never thought I'd see the light but I guess I have. I never give up on people and I never lose faith. But I guess you're just really good at what you do. I pray so hard but there's no hope for you. You have become a monster. And youre toxic to me. You have no interest in me or my wellbeing. You've forgotten who i am but worse you've forgotten who you are. I thought there was nothing you could do to make me thjnk less of you or change how i feel about you but watching you turn from a frog to a prince to a hideous beast is more than i can take. Going through this obstacle course for you has made me so strong and a better person than i was. Now i know to value myself and not let people like you take advantage of me and treat me poorly. So I will be seeing you when I need to purchase my shit from you. And at that point I will also be picking up all my things. Thank you for at least having the decency to let me go though I know its cause you dont care, not because you do. I will see you briefly probably in about two weeks. Then I'll see you at the show. I truly do wish you the best."

Its so well worded. I am a lyrical genius lol anyway I mean I know I didn't sugar coat. but this is what he needed to hear so I really hope he read it so that maybe I can at least plant the seed. ill keep praying for him but that's all I can do. eventually ill stop checking my phone to see if he responded. and it will be 2 full weeks and then ill have an excuse to talk to him if kim prescribes me drugs. if he doesn't, it will sadden me because that means I wont see him til the show. ill have to keep my mouth shut and not say anything somehow. I think as this week goes on ill start to miss him more and be more and more disappointed that he never reached out to me, and it will get slightly worse before it gets better but I do feel awesome. I feel so great about myself. I feel beautiful and like I have so much to offer. and so confident I love how my body is changing. im excited about the future. I know whatever diet kim gives me I will be able to do it and ill stick to it and get amazing results. im too thrilled about thiscompetition season. but yea idk. I didn't cry today. my eyes tear up a little when I talk about how much I miss the person I thought he was but I don't just bawl anymore. I do love that person so this is kind of a blessing. to hide that person from me helps me to walk away. it sucks cause I feel like ill always have feelings for him especially since this is just so...adbrupt. and unnecessary. but hey what can you do. I don't love mr hyde this ugly version of him. idk. I pray he read it and just did the face in hands like wow. and thought to himself shes right. I hope when he looked in the mirror after that he didn't like what he saw. I hope he stared at himself and thought wow what have I become. I hope he had anxiety and felt shitty the rest of the day. because like..idk whatever to get him to snap out of this is don't want this change to be permanent. I wish he would just break down and desperately want to be better. I wish we could go to church together and pursue being better people together I am 100% down for that. and if he wanted to change and wanted to like be better I would love to be there for him though I don't trust him anymore and cant see that changing. and no like my mind hasn't fully wrapped itself around him and me being done. im not sure if this is the longest hes gone without talking to me. well no. the week after valentines day he ignored me for a full week. so I mean. theres always hope. I would rather work it out than leave him like this. even though he basically shoved me out the door. I want nothing to do with this person. this prson need not speak to me and if this is who he really is im glad its over. regardless im happy and ill be fine. I just wish he would feel bad and apologize. that maybe I could get to him and he would realize the error of his ways and start making hanges to be better. I realize now like first I wll not be with a drug dealer. that's just not okay. and the arrogance is number 2. umber 3 is the disrespect towards me, the corey I loved was sweet and caring and nonjudgemental, and most importantly humble. I would love for him to take the initiative and change his life. but I don't know how that could possibly happen. I know God can do whatever he wants. he can intervene. but idk if he will. idk whats in his willr ight now so im just going to keep praying and be thankful that he made it so that something can could've destroyed me instead made me better. and I am really truly at peace ad happy everyday. I just miss my corey. my sweet baby who would cuddle me in the middle of the night. and loved to snuggle. that called me babe and baby and called me just to tell me a story. that wanted me with him and we didn't have to do anything just chilled all the time. that texted me every morning. that told me everything and that I told everything to. I remember him holding my face and saying just be with me. and us talking abou everything. I still have the text. even after I left last week. of him saying he loved that I cared about him and it made him happy. I miss talking to him. I miss not having the anxiety. I miss counting the days til id get to see him again and knowing he was doing the same. I miss sending eachother funny memes. talking at all. we talked everyday all day. I didn't have to hold back. it was all smiley faces and compliments and I was SO happy and so was he. I miss him. truly I do. and it saddens me so much to have to let him go and end everything and give it all up because of his choices but hes not a victim. he is choosing this. and he likes it. hes become true scum and I will have nothing to do with him. God give me the strength to let go more each day and no matter how much I want to say something...to say nothing. because I said all I could say and I want to move past this. its just so hard cause I am still in love with a person that is trapped in there. I cant free him. he doesn't want me to. I wont see him again. and I really really loved that person. I felt like we could get through anything. I miss him so freaking much ive misse dhim for so long and I waited and I worked for him and he finaly came to me and I was so happy and I feel like I kinda brought this person back out but I mean if hes in there I cant be on my best behavior all the time. I wish this prson could be removed so only the sweet corey remained. we all have our issues but this is evil. hes ugly and mean and bad all the way around. I pray you can save him God and ill continue to pray. for once its looking like he wont come back to me. guess ill start counting the days again. starting tomorrow. tomorrow will be day 1. even though..its been .. 2 full days since weve spoken. basically 3. ill start with the day I didn't talk to him at all which will be tomorrow. im thankful I no longer let it ruin my day. man I sure do miss him though. I really really do.