POSITIVE UPDATE: Talking on the Phone Helps a Relationship stay healthy

So long story short things are great between but I mean we went essentially another week without talking to eachother after he did that after spring break. he did it again last week. he says sometimes he just doesn't know what to say to me but he does care. the thing that sucked is that he promised he wouldn't and he did it anyway. and like towards the end I just broke down and texted him. I mean I did notice I had less anxiety without him. and it helps to grow me as a person everytime we separate BUT like..I just...I don't want to be without him. he has my heart. I want to be with him. I cant help it. I want to work through things I want us to be a team. So yea. anyway so but on Friday like I texted him I cant remember what I could look but anyway he said he was sorry and like he said I could come over that night so I did. and at first I ranted a little but like it went well. cause I told him to cancel all his plans and not be running errands and shit when im over there. that I wanted quality time. and we talked about him acting like a bad person and he said he didn't know he was coming off cocky or a bad person and that he does want to be better he doesn't wan tto be like that. and I mean we just talked about everything and we just chilled and did whatever. he knows how I feel about everything now. but the main thing ive realized is just like there are basically 2 parts to the relationship. physical and emotional. that's it. and both have to be good for it to work. you have to see eachother. and you have to talk. and talking doesn't just mean texting. like I noticed jen calls roger everyday on her lunch break. they live together but they still talk all the time and they have a great relationship. I wanted that with Corey but i didn't think I'd ever have it. another lesson. I NEED TO STOP SAYING NEVER AND STOP LIKE..ASSUMING THINGS CANT BE A CERTAIN WAY. OR THAT THE WAY THEY ARE IS AN INDICATION OF HOW THEY ALWAYS WILL BE. I really think communication can heal everything. so that's what weve been working on. communicating more. im having to pay attention to what doesn't work and stop repeating it. and a lot about who he is and who hes not. hes not a bad person. hes not like this amazing saint but he has a good heart. hes just...dauntless (divergent movie AWESOME). like 100%. im divergent :) lol but anyway yea so i mean. were different but we do go well together. i think my initial hesitation was just it seemed to me from afar that i wasn't going to blend into his life well ya know. and no in my eyes i didn't seem to just messh immediately. but i had to open my mind and be more confident and positive honestly and stop separating myself from the world like were not all human ya know? me introducing myself to people and being freidnly at the gym went so well. i no longer feel astranged there. and i try to carry this with me wherever i go. and think of people as family instead of strangers. and just try to be friendly and approachable and happy. and it helps so much. not like put on an act. that doesn't work. just putting my best foot forward. works well for me. im learning a lot. i would say though a HUGE difference has come from us talking on the phone. like i went over there things were good. he was in the shower and i answered one of his texts. cause i know his phone pw. he didn't get mad which was awesome cause i told him i was too scared to ever go through his phone and he was like i honestly don't have anything i wouldn't want you to see and it just lifted a little weight. for the rest of the night i was like telling him what people were saying and he didn't care. and i looked on his fb and i changed his relationship status to in a relationship with me. and accepted my friend request. and like yea that's where i messed up. when he found out he got really mad. and i could tell because the day before yday he deleted it. so i texted him and he wasn't answering me and my anxiety was getting bad so i called him and he didn't answer. i called twice and i was like he could be busy but it was like Friday night i knew he was off and he ALWAYS has his phone on him. and he has a charger now. and i knew he was up so there was really no reason for him not to answer me and we had been talking before. so yea before i went to the gym i called him again and he said he was ignoring me and that i hacked his fb and it wasn't cool. and i apologized sincerely and he said he forgave me and would let it go and i told him a story and we talked for a bit. not like a great convo he wasn't participating a whole lot but i mean i thought things were fine when we got off the phone he promised he was fine. and then like as im leaving the gym i went to go look at the pic i tagged of him because people were liking it and he had deleted me as a friend. and it was 1am so i couldn't talk to him so i like went home and just cried and cried. freaking out. wrote em a message but i set my alarm to wakeup and call him at 740am cause i knew hed be at work. i didn t think hed answer. i was convinced it was going to be another horrible week. and i mean i was crying hard because i felt like he was putting so much pressure on me and i couldn't keep walking on tippy toes and that he just didn't want to be with me and was looking for any excuse. i was like really really thoroughly upset. i was just praying like God im not strong enough to walk away and i don't want to like for the fact that i have been so true and so faithful and believed can you please just let me have this one. and like i want your will but i just don't want to lose him and i fell asleep crying. i prayed hed at least answer the phone. but i knew he wouldn't. so like when i woke up before i called i texted aeric to see if i could come late and leave early. and he said yes. but he did answer. he admitted he did delete me cause he was mad at me. and we talked about it for maybe five minutes. i apologized again and i told him like i was just being stupid but if i had known it would upset him i never would've done it cause it just wasn't important. and like he was sitting right next to me when i did it i thought hed notice right then. but yea then he just changed the subject and told me about his morning. which was catastrophic and hilarious. but yea like then we were on the phone for like 3 hours! we really only got off cause..i cant remember i think he had another customer b ut there were several times where he'd just like put the pphone down and let me listen. it was an awesome way to start my day. and during the convo like he told me just in passing that he made his super steroid payment and had $5 to his name and i knew he needed food so i told him he could use my debit card and pay me back. and he reluctantly agreed after i told him it wasn't a problem. and so i told him we would go to an earlier movie (me and jen) and then id come over and just stay over and he was like ok that's cool. so like i went over there after work. and i was so tired. and i know he was tired. but like chris gave him 100 dollars already. so i didn't have to do anything but buy him karbolyn and im happy because i had a lot of expenses i forgot lol and rents due. but anyway yea so we went to the store real quick. and like literally went home watched some tv a little bit and went to sleep. i wasn't fighting it cause once i took my unisom i could barely keep my eyes open. and lik i mean i wanted to have sex but i was so tired. but somehow we did anyway. i don't know if he nutted or not. it was super wet though and it got on the bed but we stopped and i knocked the fuck out. and like in the morning i could barely wake up he was like wakeup i have to leave soon lol and i just couldn't. im going to have to start taking only one unisom lol ause that shit is like a tranquilizer for me. buut yea so anyway then this morning he was kissing me and he told me to get on top of him and i ddi then like i went down on him to lube it up but i didn't end up getting on top of him he just nutted when i gave him head so easy enough lol then he left and i was actually happy because i wanted to go back to sleep. i slept for like another half hour and just happened to get up RIGHT on time to leave thank the LOrd and i made it RIGHT on time. it was awesome cause like he randomly called me as i was getting close to vitamin shoppe at like 1020. hed been at work like almost an hour. and i figured he needed something but he just called to chat :) i LOVE starting my day off talking to him. and just being on the phone with him. and we just talk about whatever. then jen called me like half an hour later and i accidentally hung up on em. but called em right back and we talked like til the store opened and he said hed text me. he didn't but i didn't care i ended up just asking him how his day was going cause mine was annoying me lol but yea today went well too. and then like as i was leaving i asked him if he would start calling me and waking me up when hes on the way to do cardio so i can get up and like not continue to sleep my life away and make better habits. i didn't know what hed say but he was so receptive and willing and it is just so nice to have him sometimes like ive never prepped WITH someone ya know. he said "okay. for sure. i know its tough. i told myself i was going to weeks ago and i only started this week. it happened last year also. you just gotta get into a groove and now i cant start my day without it. i looked the best i have when i was posing with Lindsay just now. ill call you. better put it on loud cause i wake up early :) i texted him back and he never texted me back but it didn't bother me. its crazy how when you have nothing to worry about...you don't worry. but yea i need to go to bed asap cause of that. update on my fitness journey i was so excited to have made 12% bodyfat so of course i had to start cheating and i couldn't stop i did it all week my head just hasn't been in the right place. so i need to get back on my plan til i get my new one from kim on Friday. i do not care im notprocrastinating anymore. he looks better everyday i want to start seeing drastic awesome results too. like i do not want to mess this up this time. im following that diet to a t i don't care if i don't like it i don't care if im miserable ill find a way. theres only one month left of school before finals ill be ok time has been flying by. i can do this and i will do this it means everything to me. once i get my body right so many doors are going to open that have been closed all this time. im a new person and i know i can do this and i want to. i want to win. i want to be amazing i want my results i want to scare people. and be confident. and WIN. and go pro. and just start living to my potential. or hes going to leave me behind because he already looks AMAZING and he is busting his ass. its my turn. and i know its harder because i have school and yes i am struggling but Sandra says i can get a tutor. id im going to have to have a miracle to pass these last two classes but ill do whatever i can. i want it all. i want my degree and these trophies i need to get OUT OF SCHOOL. God help me do what it takes. i think as far as like fitness goes. im getting too caught up again in the future. in like...whats gunna happen when i look a certain way. my LONG term goals and i forgot about the short term ones that will get me there. the results distracted me from the doing but now anymore. tomorrow is Monday thank the Lord and i am ready to rumble! i'll take a little break from IG right now i need to focus on my body. so no more craziness no more showing off my nothingness to show off. i need to get down to 8%. give me 6 weeks. so in the middle of may. that's the goal. a pound of fat a week. and hopefully gain some muscle. now i have two days to lose this horrible water and take my starting pics for kim. im so excited and like...curious what hes going to give me i wish it was tomorrow!!