SO FREAKING HAPPY - I can't believe where we are now!

I mean. We spend so much time together. all initiated by him. I get all the attention I need. hes SO SWEET. I took the same days off as him this week and weve agreed to spend them together. which never would've happened in the past. at all. I didn't realize how shady the situation was until things got better lol but MAN AM I HAPPY I STUCK AROUND. I cant stop thanking God for rewarding m faith because he could've just forced me to get over him and eventually I would've been fine. Im too gracious right now and so thankful. but yea so he invited me over last night even though he had to get up early and even though he knew wed be spending a lot of time together next week. and while I was there like at first I was mad at him cause I didn't like my greeting upon entry lol and like he just kept trying to appease me and was like I miss you I don't want to waste our time together :) and we talked about everything hes doing and everything he has to do to get to where hes going. he promised hed stop selling weed when he goes pro. and hopefully before. it was so nice cause we were just 100% honest I told him how uncomfortable it makes me and how I want him to be safe and its only cause I care that I worry about him. and he was just like just be with me. if you want us to be together you have to like accept what I do and I wanted him to know I support him I just want him to be like relaxed and not in debt etc. cause this is just SO EXPENSIVE on his end wow. and none of the money is his. I just want him to be legit and stop breaking the law so much. but like yea we talked everything out. were so open now I love it. im just 100% me. worry wart or not. weaknesses and all. and he is too. he has let me in and I loooove it. so worth it. no one can tell me SHIT not he is worth it just like I knew hed be. anyway yea so like we talked about everything. then we had sex like 3 freaking times. back to back. and it was amazing. our sex life has gotten so awesome. idk cause like were more comfortable with eachother and I feel like were more attracted to eachother cause theres feelings on his end AND mine. and like its so passionate and sexy lol I feel sexy when im with him. like he just pulls my face in and kisses me which is my favorite and last night he was like ..talking which I LOV E. cause I love his voice and hes never very vocal but I fucking love that haa but like yea so I mean he would be like get on top of me. take your shirt off. yea. sexy. lol and like he held my hand and took me to the chair and sat on the chair and flipped me around all kinda ways and it was sooooo hot and awesome his body is amazing right now. and hes tan. and as always gorgeous face but yea so like then he got on the bed and laid down and I like crawled on top of him all sexy lol and hes like yeaaa. hahahaha and he would like grab my boobs hes just very like touchy and kissy and the whole thing is very involved and sensual now. and I just love love love it. I wanna go back over there right now I cant wai ttil tomorrow im literally waking up early and working out and doing cardio before work so I can go straight to him im too excited. and like yea so anyway yea and then like he was just SO tired it was like he was drunk. he was like why r u so far from me I miss you. and he kept telling me how glad h was that I was there. and like kissing me. and I tried to leave caus ehe was snoring and I couldn't sleep and didn't want to wakeup early and he didn't want me to. and like when I was though he was like okay bye baby :) and this morning he called me babe! like I texted him couples memes and he always likes them. the word power couple is accepted and like were on the same page. hes starting to get more possessive which I love. like I couldn't find my cat food and he was like so what boys have been at your apt lol the fuck. but anyway yea like this morning on the way home he actually CALLED me when he got to work. to tell me about some shit that happened the night before. some bs. hes a hot head. but anyway and then we were just talking about everything and the future and me dieting and how its gunna be etc. and what I wanna look like. and like his plans etc for the next few months and how were both gunna kill it at our show. and like I told him he didn't even notice when I came back last night cause his mom wouldn't let me leave and she gave me drugs. (shes the freaking best we have sooo much in common and she tells me a LOT. and like she was just like I just ADORE YOU and telling me all these great things about me. im in there like swimwear I loooove going over there its just like home to me now. on my second time! ive never hit it off that much with a mom. and they all like me.) but anyway yea and like he was just like im really happy you stayed though I didn't want you to leave I like holding you in the middle of the night I was like omg :) and we talked about how many times we had sex hahaha and like how sleepy he was. and it was just like so perfect. he never calls me but we talked for like 45 minutes. now were at the point where were finally done playing cat and mouse and instead of having to be apart a certain amount to "keep it interesting" we actually want to be together as much as possible. im having to be strong though and creative cause I know this will get me off track if I let it so I have to be prepared and just very diligent. it will keep us together and also allow me to like still reach my goals. I been bullshitting. tis time to stop and see what im made of. hes no cheating anymore so I said I wouldn't either. and this is going to help me just take it one day at a time. the motto is gunna be MAKE IT WORK. and NOT TODAY. every single day is an individual important day and I need practive with that itll help wth my stress which has been really bad. but like..idk. we talk about the future more and more and I feel like hes THIS CLOSE to telling me he loves me. if he doesn't yet hes very close I feel it now when im with him he looks at me different. like last night after I put my glasses on I was just standing there with my hands on my hips in my pajamas and he turns the flashlight on his phone and hes like just staring at me and he goes "cutie.." LOL llike he is so unbelievably sweet and affectionate. he just cant like be far from me he just looks at me and then gravitates towards me and he just like wraps his arms around me and we just stand like that. I love it. and I wore my hair curly. cause I mean idk. that's me! and his mom loved it. and I thin k he did too honestly its wild but its so pretty I love my hair. but he was just like so turned on by me last night. its crazy how like six months in its better and more new. still like..get butterflies and theres still huge sparks even more than before. and like idk. its just awesome. everything I ever wanted. I don't ever want to be with anyone else. he has my heart and he takes amazing care of me and I want to stay with him and support him and be with him wherever he goes. my quality of life has improved ten fold since he truly let me in and its like..i cant believe its happening just like the believer thought it would. that hed fall for me if hed let himself. and he is. fast. and I just...were happy. like both of us. I cannot wait til tomorrow cause we get to spend 3 nights together and 2 full days. and like...I just fcking love it. I am just so happy. I don't have an ounce of anxiety. I know if we don't talk, we will. I can speak my heart and he either reciprocates or like at least agrees. and he tells me he misses me. I just love it. he wanted me to come back over tonight lol I want to but I had to say no. were going to go to the phil heath together I wanna look extra fine. and make him look good and take pics and just have fun and be confident and in our element. I gotta get used to the scene. but anyway yea like....I feel at home wherever he is. except chris. I just don't wanna be surrounded by ghetto people and pot heads and drug dealers I much prefer Aziz. anyway though it doesn't matter. like he was saying all these things have nothing to do with us or me and I said if it has to do with you it has to do with me. and he said hes glad I worry about him cause hes glad I care. it really feels like were both in this now. like this is how it should be. were soooo good for eachother and he is fucking amazing. his morals are off a little bit and he lives a little too much on the edge for me but he treats me amazing and makes me feel like a princess. I kissed my frog over and over and over and he became a prince. :) blah. he was just pretending. hes always been  prince.