ADHD

i took my damn medicine at like 11 today. 1030 or something like that.
it should not be wearing off at all.
but alas, i am hyper as shit. its so hard to focus!
im glad i prayed about this earlier
this happens when you hurt yourself or get hurt [injury]
you get tired of being locked up in your room & you want to play
so i prayed that when i get bored [inevitable] God would help me
not get complacent
& stay put. & continue.
even when i feel strong
i need to stay on the bench because im not 100% yet
im not protected & if i leave my protected place
God cant..not cant, he WONT protect me from breaking again
because i need to be patient
& when im not, and i dont pray for patience,
i get myself into trouble.
so now is a chance to NOT do what i always do.
to NOT jump right back into the fire when my burns start to heal
& NOT subject myself to injury too quick
heres my chance to develop patience
& learn not to get bored
i could entertain myself id love to go get a movie
but i need to study. this would b such great time to get on track & make the rest of this week less stressful
so i need to use this time
normally id be impulsive, text someone im not supposed to b tlaking to yet
or initiate a convo out of thirst
look for a boy to entertain me
but im trying to iliminate all thirst.
i dont want to want i dont want to need
so im giving it to God im going to pray for patience
and focus. may i be an example for myself
and keep track of this cause God answers
by GOD i will get this reading done by tonight
unlike all the other nights
& get on track so i wont be stressing
ive got 2 tests and a paper bibliography due on monday
while everyones out for halloween ill be studying
which i dont really mind actually.
gotta focus though
no time to be jumpin around

im just gunna say. theres a boy i have been thinking about.
that i plan to try really hard to steer clear of. i dont want to like anyone. i dont want to give anyone power over me
they all pretend to be nice
and what they say sounds real good.
he texts me when im not in class.
every morning actually.
hes checked on me everyday since i told em i was sick
offered to bring me soup
and this wknd when i told em i wasnt going out he offered to come c me
he found me on fb the first day of school & told me i was pretty
hes always sweet. but you know what
EFF THAT!!!!
cause they all start out sweet. hes a football player.
ill never touch another.
dont need them talking about me more.
hell make me think of the devil.
i dont want anyone. anymore.
& the fact that im thinking about texting him makes me see.
im not ready to play.
i cant come off the bench until my need and desire to play is gone.
then ill simply leave the bench and if im called in the game ok
but if not, ill go about life.