week almost over

& im making it.
idc what anyone says, though no ones dared say it to me
i keep how i feel & what i am locked in
i believe in magic. God is magic.
he still does wonders if you look, or if you ask with faith in your heart
he will perform wonders for you.
i feel like what im doing is separating myself from all the distractions
so he can mold me into who he wants me to be, not who theyve made me
or who i let them make me
i dont wanna be the same
ill keep the good stuff, and just forget the bad
i wanna be better.
i feel like my values & my beliefs in my heart dont go along with what i do
how i look who i chill with
how i act
im so close to God and can you tell? no.
that has to change.
i want people to be able to feel it. and by looking at me, know that i am holy
i wanna be like Him, not them.
my tragic flaw was that i loved people
i did. my brothers & sisters. i saw the good & felt their pain.
i put myself in their shoes, but they dont fit.
i dont know how or why, but i know im not completely one of them
theres either something that IS in me or ISNT, that sets me apart.
i dont have a mean bone in my body, not consciously
though i know i have the power to hurt
i wanted to save them. but i saw the wrong victims
i havent found the people im to save yet
i think what i really need to do is get stronger & set a good example
& grow the hell up. i cant be putting my business out there on twitter & fb
people wont look up to me if they feel like im THAT much like them
i wont b able to reach the people i need to
either way, i just wanna be more like God made me
instead of all worldified.
i feel so disgusting sometimes
&stupid..like ill never recover from the injustice i just went thru
and my name in shambles
but eff my name. why should i care what they think
those that matter will see that He walks with me
those that dont, will be handled
i will not fear man anymore.
although no man will touch me.
& i cant wait til its been so long that they notice..
hey, none of us have touched her
i dont wanna glorify the dogs and the perpetrators
but I know God will deliver them into my hands
i will not grant them amnesty this time. no. im done with that.
im on my me ish right now.
im actually really looking for a church to get involved in.
i wanna go to Lakewood but im still a little squeemish and they make it so datgum hard to get to. i want something big so i have some anonymity. but not so big i cant park. id like to get involved in a youth group or bible study.
surround myself with more like minded people.
as for me. ive turned a new leaf. im gunna be me now.
im not sexy. im not sexUAL. im not that. i dont believe in that,
actually, i believe in modesty, love.
and i dont care what PEOPLE who THINK they know me think.
they dont know me.
i know in my heart...i am innocent.
im a little girl whos been doing grownup stuff trying to find love
but forget that, i see it now. way too late but its never too late to
turn to the light side foreal.
im pretty sure its been a month. if not, whatever cause its gunna be a WHILE
i dont even wanna let anyone get close enough to me.
to even ask.
and i think i ought to tell them ahead of time so they can get out if they want
but i gotta keep getting stronger
so my will will be strong enough to resist pressure
from anyone and not be broken
i wont even THINK about it
thats what i want.
to be so close to God that i can bring ppl closer thru me
but they cant pull me further from him
i thought id take a little break from the social world and then hop back in
but..i really just dont see that happening
i dont feel any different
im getting better without them
why go back to the place of my affliction.
even though i know eventually if i do return,
God will make me fruitful there.
Ephraim.
thats all i care about right now.
family will be my entertainment.
God. school. fitness.
ill watch movies for fun. go out & be in nature. idk
discover some new things about myself.
anyway..once octobers over, i have 4 days off in a row:) SWEEEETNESSSS

i hope people wonder where i am. i hope they think i switched schools. i hope months go by & when i reemerge they dont recognize me. & i hope some people who neve rthought theyd miss me, notice a gaping hole in their lives. i hope they feel my absence like darkness around them & i hope it thickens with the realization that if they wanted to find me, they couldnt.
only like 20 ppl even have my number now.
idc bout nothin. ive got a few obligations left. after that. SY-YA-FREAKIN-NARA
FREE AT LAST
thank you God. i love this,
he has healed me
if ever im unhappy,
its usually not because of the devil child. i actually rarely think of him.
i do want to improve on somethings though
i)complaining. all the time. so negative.
ii)talking to much. i wanna take a vow of silence & just listen. it doesnt help me to talk. but it could help other people for me to listen. i think i should get used to the silence.
iii) stop procrastinating & work on keeping commitments
iv)theres only a small part that still cares what ppl think. ppl like my aunt..& its because some of its true. i have somethings id like to fix. mostly i just want to stop telling people about me. & what i think. i dont really want to have opinions. i think now would be a great time to find & finally read A Course in Miracles.