Escape

went back over there yesterday
thats my family
but they are too close to him
spent about 3 hours crying my eyes out to everyone in the room
so they jumped his ass when he came back
& he chopped me up in a text
i cussed his ass out. & changed my #
ill do anything to get away from him.
even if i have to give up the one group of me ppl that truly cuts for me
deactivated my fb
& im not getting on twitter
i need a break
im wounded & im pissed & i dont trust
they can do w/o me
i want a break
& since im not gunna get one on my own im taking one
im not going to class today
i have a chem test this afternoon i need to study for.
i ought to have plenty of time now.
went & got the situation taken care of,
im clean now.
but in my mind...its just...bad.
took my heart back, heard too much last night
my mind may be insane
& i may have human sinful nature
but my heart is pure & it is big & golden
it doesnt deserve what i let ppl do to it
so from now on im giving it to the only person who deserves it
God.
& he can decide who will ever get it again
but no one will touch me
apparently hes a dog. he just does this
he uses people
he lies, everyone knew but me
i was fooled.
he got her pregnant.
curse him & that devilspawn thank God it wasnt me
i want to move schools
anything to be away from him
im not just gunna sit in the front anymore
im gunna sit in the front on the other side

i love those boys...so much. & im going to miss them
but eff it. everyday has been a fight for months
i need time to get over this ish
i told them id come back for them
my prediction...all hell will break loose
because no one wanted me to leave
& he is to blame
now he will be seen for the true evil that he is
i told him if he ever spoke to me again id kill him
changed my # he cant get to me now.
i wont give it to them..maybe later
honestly theres no one i particularly want to have it
im not going out halloween
im not going out...til i really just feel like it. i dont want to see anyone. im going to go to the friend to clean her fucking car
then im done. no more doing for ppl.
these arent the ones that need me
i want to separate myself from the world.
& get so close to God that i will be strong
& firm & immovable
so that i can only bring ppl closer to him
but they cant pull me away
i want everything i have to be tied to him
that is all i want.
ill focus on school.
working out.
dont really feel like eating.
im not who i was.
im different.
this time, God will cover my nakedness with holy robes. and armour.
no more.
never again.
finally, i have learned.
i will not give.
i will not give the milk for free.
someone will buy this cow.
id rather be alone
i dont want anyone.
i dont want them around me bc they just take
i get absolutely nothing from being around ppl. so im going to avoid them.
no one will find me.
until i decide they can. thats all.