emergency room

i dont want to get hurt. or sick.
id drop the pins.
grades would fall, and im already behind. no As for me.
Id be able to keep my jobs but Id lose time and money.
Sandra would have to pay for it all.
All these hard months of working gone to waste.
not like theyre paying off now.
but you know what the absolute worst thing is..
no one would know.
if i got in a car wreck tonight
[God please dont let this happen, if i lose my car take me with it]
no one would know unless it made the news.
if anyone did know, im sure a few ppl would care
i know of some who for sure would come see me
but they wouldnt know.
how would they? theyd have to know sandra & no one does.
no one would ask where i was..if they did how would they find out if they couldnt talk to me?
if i was in a freaking coma, id just stay there.
it would almost be a relief. just to have a break from life.
but whats the point. id be even more alone then. no one would find me.
id have no visitors.
He would never know. he could come back three months from now & never have even heard. id have to be the one to say something.
no one is close enough to me to find me.
who would look.
sometimes i want to get hurt. just to see who would come.
if anyone would. or just to have a break.
but i know its a blessing that ive never gotten hurt.
yall dont know what i am, or where i come from truly,
but because of this..i know i wont get hurt.
pain sucks anyway i get anough of that.
& i dont want to lose anything else.
but just for the record,
it would be pointless.
cause no one would know