in laymans terms..the actual plan

hiding. well, not hiding.
im not scared anymore.
but think of it like this.
if you break your ankle playing basketball...
1)you can no longer play basketball
2) you must break it back into place, and brace it
3)you still have to walk on it, just protect it from further irritation or injury

a)if you come off the bench too soon you might get hurt again and NEVER be able to play basketball again
-you have to protect it from further injury and let it HEAL.

a broken heart is worse. people cant see it. they dont watch out for you. no one would kick a broken ankle in a cast or knock down someone on crutches but ppl will pick at someone with a broken heart. if you expose your weakness they make it worse. so you have to hide it. & if you come out of rest too soon, it will most likely be rebroken again and take longer to heal.
the best is to cover it up, and just...rest. keep it out of peoples hands so they cant make it worse. Give God space and time to heal it.
so thats what im doing.

changed my # to prevent further injury from the source. so even if he wants to find me he cant. and avoiding him in public or private places, anywhere he might be. and anyone who connects me to or reminds me of him. & just focusing on the rest of life.
i cant see myself partying with these people anymore. why? idk who to trust. its kind of relieving to have no one to impress itll save me money. & if i like to dance ill dance in my room. if i dont play i wont get hurt. and its not fun anyway. so..idk how long. as long as i feel like..i think a month or so would be good. til my papers are all turned in and my tests are over.
fb is deactivated, not getting on twitter.
i mean i wanna win thebb.com contest and fb would help but idk if its my time & i just..its not worth everything else & getting all distracted right now my grades are the one thing ive done right that i said i would do that i might actually come thru on which could change my LIFE mentally, and increase my trust inmyself. and get me more $ for next year, raise my gpa, just..nothing but positives. so schools my main priority right now. i wanna study.
and be on track and not stress.
and not worry bout nobody but me which feels great.
i dont feel bad because they dont worry bout me and i dont ask them to,
the more independent i get and used to myself
the more i learn to like and love myself
the better people will treat me in the future
the less ill need them
i need to stay away.
especially from the boys.
until i absolutely have no feelings for the devil child
no inclination to speak to or see him
til he means absolutely nothing to me
i think the only way to know this for sure is if i could move on
without feeling like im giving up the chance to be with him
i cannot play ...
at all, until i am fully healed
i never let anything fully heal
i always jump right back into the game
im impatient
im trying to eliminate all distractiosn and let God make me into any awesome person
so im going to focus on school
try to find other fun things to do besides going out
workout
& just..live life for ME and thats it
ill eb there when ppl need me
but im not going out of my way
or even offering the milk
unless they specifically need something
that only i can give
if its not too much trouble
i dont plan on being around
im not going to c anyone spend time with anyone
got one last bday and im done
everyone else gets a happy bday and thats it
period.
ill come out when God tells me to.
& i cant imagine it being like before.
im ready for something else
som ething more fulfilling.
social life isnt life
its death.