negativity

im just so mad.
at the world. at everyone i know.
i was so sweet. so goodhearted. so full of love,
seein the good in everyone no matter what they did?
now, no.
damn theres like 2 ppl i even consider friends
all i see when i see ppl r perpetrators
there s not one single person i want to see or b around
its crazy only 1 girl has my new # the rest r boys
im tryna get strong
but im so fucking mad.
honestly, its better.
everyday sucks. im pissed off& i dont wanna do have the shit i have to do
i feel fat right now & im irritated as fuck cause i went to workout
& couldnt cause the track was all fucked up
& i still feel sick
feels like i cant catch a break
i hate everyone. there is no love in my heart
i see no good in anyone
except the 2 boys i cant talk to right now
cause they saw good in me
life has become a responsibility.
all day long im doin shit i dont wanna do
workin my ASS OFF
just to maintain?
all these bitchass friendships
my fuckin boss milkin the shit out of me
& rippin me off every five seconds
lookjin for a new job
so fuckin tired of workin minimum wage fuck ass jobs
where the hardest worker gets paid the least. no.
im literally not going to class just to avoid one person
who im still pissed as fuck at
always a reminder theyre all the same
i hate bein so bitter i know its not right
its been so long since i had nay positive thoughts
since i was happy.
since i felt good.
not a fan of this person
im bitter as fuck. like a perpetual bad mood BUT no mood last forever.
it can go on for weeks and obviously months BUT not forever
AT LEAST i dont desperately want to be in love anymore
which is an extremely dangerous WEAKNESS to have in college
where there is no love
im surrounded by evil, selfish, ungrateful children
who obviously just want to eat me alive
& then blame me
so mad. at so many ppl.
ALSO i dont plan on giving at all anymore.
idc if ppl see me as a good person
idc if they see me at all i already feel invisible
& abused & unappreciated
& im not givin a damn thing cause no one deserves it
these ppl dont need my help. they need forgiveness
cause theyre evil & selfish & they deserve what they get
i know im not perfect
i get that. but i never thought i was
everyone else thinks theyre perfect
& the whole world should just b more like them
im not livin in a fantasy anymore
i see it
& although its impossible for me to be optimistic
& im feeling very pessimistic right now
dont believe in anything but God
no hope for the future
no pissibility of a reason to smile.
AT LEAST im realistic. AT LEAST they dont have the power to break my heart anymore
cause i do not believe in them i do not expect any good from them
there is no love left in me
AT LEAST i wont be a victim nowe
AT LEAST
i wont get taken advantage of
or feel stupid or BE stupid
AT LEAST i know when i finally get better
which because God is a merciful God, i know i will at least within the next year
AT LEAST i know it wont happen again
cause im finally smart
iu finally get it
& when i get through this
as much as i resent the whole MOTHERFUCKING thing
AT LEAST ill b stronger.
so they can stop benefitting off of my pain
every fucking day fo ym life
i have removed all sources of pain in my life
& once i stop creating it for myself
i can live again
& wont have to worry about a repeat.
im not the same person.
i cant say i like who this is.
i personally ..was a good person before
i didnt fucking deserve all the motherfucking bs ppl put me thru
the world is a bad place full of bad ppl
& as long as im not doing anything WRONG at least ill b safe now.