K Im Not gunna write that much but AMAZING DAY

MAN OH MAN GOD IS GOOD, I swear the ONE person who rewards my faith. all i had to say was i cant see it happening and i dont know how but I believe God will do it for me and he has. Im not 100% over him. but he doesnt have the power over me anymore. i dont want him. seriously. if he came back i wouldnt even want him. i dont need his apology or remorse to be okay itd be great but im already okay i actually feel great. its really cause im so focused on my goals but i mean for once i feel so strong and confident and it has nithing to do with anything i have or anything ive done or anything really about me its just...in general. and as far as relationships go now i know exactly what i want and dont want and exactly what i will not put up with. i dont want to date its a waste of my time. i dont need any "friends." i dont. i mean really. i have good girl friends i dont need 50,000 guy friends anymore. i dont need a single one. now i see likethe good that came from it because i got burned down and built up better and i learned a lot because of him. im 10x stronger now than i was when i met him and more confident and happy with myself. no thanks to him all thanks to God i will never give him credit again. it would be nice to hear him take 100% responsibility and admit how stupid he was and that he was wrong and i didnt deserve it and that he'd take it back if he could and that hes SORRY for letting me think it was me. but hey, i dont need that. i dont need anything from him. im glad he just let me go. cause now i feel like...invincible. no one has the power over me anymore its awesome i think this is the first time in my life i can say that. no one has any piece of me and truly 100% i can say i dont want anyone. i dont have room. ive got school and i am willing to sacrifice everything to compete. im going to have to start putting away money now cause i have to start planning my suit and probably put a down payment in march. and then 12 weeks out i want to hire kim oddo. all together its probably going to be about 3 grand and i think i only have one challenge..actually okay 2 but mostly one to help out. took a preg test it was negative but it may be inaccurate since i never got my period and had sex in the time that i was off bc. im going to continue not to take it until the end of this month and if i still dont get my period ill take another test and be saving up for that. but anyway yea i feel awesome. im so thankful right now i havent felt this free and at peace and excited about life in idk how long! but its great. great great great. now everything makes sense now i see why God didnt want it to work out. i used to couldnt see myself without him but now i really really can. i like myself better without him. this is the person im meant to be and its only going to improve. i have goals again. i had lost that part of myself. and now i have it back. that alone is a great reason for all the bs. also the knowledge i got and the motivation. he did was he was good for and now hes good for nothing so hes no longer needed. tomorrow im going to a movie with dustyn and on sunday one with garrisen ill also be getting the rest of my shit and possibly $150 that he owes me. but yea. good financially right now. getting a haircut. gotta be stingy when i do that. got 2 bills due. one didnt come out idk why but it was supposed to today. maybe it has by now. pretty soon these blogs wont even concern him at all. i mean...he really doesnt seem like the type to come back so i cant see him reaching out to me. as time goes on were going to forget about eachother. it was longer than things lasted with langston but it doesnt change the fact that he didnt like me. its almost been 2 weeks since weve seen eachother if he doesnt miss me yet hes not going to and i dont miss him. ill deal with the physical crap when it comes but right now im just going to focus and try not to think about that. he needs to not even speak to me cause were not friends. i definitely dont need anymore friends especially shitty ones that dont give adamn about me. hes the one thats stupid honestly . id kill for someone like me and im not going to throw my pearls to the swine anymore. im not. i will hold out as long as i have to but i know what i want and i know what i deserve and i just need God's help to practice that in real life. i want someone who will bend over backwards for me cause thats what i do for people. im done being interested in people who arent interested in me. doesnt matter what i think of them. thats the most important thing. how they feel about me. and yea. idk what hes been doing all this time grow a pair tell the truth. this probably was my karma for garrisen. now i know you dont do someone any favors by pretending to feel a certain way when you dont. guess its different for boys. but anyway so thats done. fresh start clean slate. im excited about life. tmrw is gunna be busy i kinda overbooked myself a little for my taste on an off day but ill go to bed as soon as we get done with the movie and be ok. unless i still have to work out. hopefully ill be able to get my workout in before the movie. its just chest and triceps but i dont want to rush or half ass. im not doing it in the morning. im going with a client thats doing the challenge to help her start a membership at my gym. volunteered to do that at 10. boo so no sleeping in for me. hair appointment is at 1030. i shouldve cooked! damnit! oh well. i can cook some fish in the morning. no aluminum. BLAST! anyway. k ill figure it out. i can do it on the skillet if need be. forgot about that haha. anyway thank you God again. gottatake a shower and wash my face and crash im tarred!