So. I dont know how i feel. but i was honest.

I'm not happy I told him. But I know I did the right thing. hes a nice guy. and i still love him. but he doesnt get it. an HES the one who shouldve appreciated what he had. he has some growing to do but regardless his resonse showed his true character. letting me take the fall. not being sorry for crushing me. not trying to fix it. sleeping with me when he has no feelings for me. he doesnt deserve me as a friend. i just told him like...i been hiding how bad he hurt me. how i feel invisible. how im walking away with nothing and i want to get over him and i cant do it while were friends. and that i dont trust him. that i feel like i dont know him which is true. and just that i needed to be away from him idk how long. he may not say anything thats fine. i told him that. i told him he cant say anything to fix it or make it better and ive been hurt so bad that im pretty much immune so whatever he says wont make me happy or sad. that i dont hate him and part of me still wants him and i hate that part of me and i want it to go away. i mean. its not..im not like...happy. i thought wed be together ya know. thought wed be working on things. thought id be over there tomorrow id love to go over there and be with him and love on him and know it meant something but it doesnt. and it meant something to me. im not an fwb or a fuck buddy and i dont do that with my friends. it justhurts. to do everything and get nothing and to feel like a fool. but the only thing i can do is rip the splinter out and put a bandaud iver ut and let it heal. i want to enjoy my life. and i can do that now that hes out of it. idk. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to care. i just want to move forward ya know. and i mean..idk. i know i didnt hurt him. or upset him. i dont have the power. but i was honest. and now he knows whats up. i couldnt walk around mad at him and hurting and let him think were friends. friends dont hurt eachother and he couldve protected me at any time. i dont believe he cares about me. he may think im a good person but he feels nothing for me and provavly wouldnt even if i died. seriously. its time to move forward. and i kinda wanna crawl under a rock. probably gunna be somewhat antisocial for a minute. BUT. NOW i can start making progress. tomorrow is a new day. a free day. my first day sober and now i am everyday a step closer to no longer being addicted to this thing thats been hurting me. and things will get better from here.