I am a sick sad little girl. really. really really. dub tee eff. so by the end of yday i couldnt even be mad at him anymore. and today all i could think about was him and how i was praying if i let em go hed come back. so of course i came home and in the car i was typing a text to him. basically telling him no matter what he did i was never going to give up. now im literally sitting here waiting for him to tell me to come over because surprise surprise he said we coiuld hang out and when was up to me so i said no youre the one with the busy schedule i will come over tonight so you tell me and im hoping he just says ok come over! and i will speed my motherfucking ass off lol i threw away my lube applicators so ill have to get some more and like...hell idk how im gunna shoot that shit up there idc if i have to do it in the parking lot cause i have been waiting 2 weeks to have sex and i want to have sex lol no strings attached. i mean i already love him i knowhe doesnt love me. okay considering its already 820 and he hasnt texted me back. i already shaved. maybe tomorrow i am off saturday. hell even saturday would be fine i just want to see him. i would go over there but hes got that "strict morning schedule" and i know he wont want me over there late. i wont stay but hell i dont care even if its a few hours i just want to be in his presence and see his face i miss him. i want to see if theres anything there on his part but it will probably be impossble to tell considering he will just most likely still be physically attracted to me. and if he doesnt try anything then i really am garrisen and im doomed! at that point. definitely have to reassess. he might not even text me back tonight which would piss me off. for sure. and of course then id regret texting him blah its watever. why regret. i meant what i said. at least it doesnt mean never. oh my GOSH i wanna. fuckkkk. guess i'll go get some food and get ready to workout. even though i really just wanna go to sleep. God if theres a chance I still want to go over there. i miss him so freaking much but i understand if hes bad for me and i shouldnt see him. i cnt help it. maybe ill just try again to use my stupid toy lol ugh. anyway. well. yea. idk. i wanna go over there really bad.
i just couldnt stop daydreaming today. i just want a good hug from him. i want to look in his eyes and hear his voice and just sit with him and spend some time with him. if i got a kiss i'd just die he has the best kisses. i really just..miss him to death. and yes i am also EXTREMELY in the mood which serves no purpose when youre alone and i cant flipping wait to get back on bc so this can stop! come on come on its been like an hour come on PLEASE FOR ONCE JUST COME ON. i keep checking and its never there this is going to take some serious re-minding. cause i let myself get excited boo. im going to go get taco bell.
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