A miralce? I think not 2/10

I think honestly I was just in denial. What hapkpens to him is just his life. coincidental or maybe just karma. theres a logical explanation for everything. I mean...idk I talked to em and he told me he looks at my IG sometimes and doesnt want me gone. then like i said we could start over. then on friday he said when do we ge to hang out again what r u doing tmrw. then he said he owed me a movie and a trip to my house was i down and i said yes. and the days following were great. then he came straight over and surprised me and i mean...idk we did end up havign sex though i had said i wasnt going to and i actually came for the first time ever with him like 5 times it was crazy great. but i mean...idk he just...we'll never be on the same page. and we;re not compatible. he gave me recommendations for drugs and said hed get em for me. said he didnt mean what he said about just wanting to be friends and hookign up and also that he just didnt know what to say when i told em i was going on a date. idk. for a while i was thinking maybe things could be how i wanted. he asked me when my bday was and i said march and i told him it was ok for us to skip vday like he did every other holiday but not my bday then he asked me when vday was and i was thinking just maybe that he might be sweet and come over this weekend and surprise me. and it would mean more than any other valentines day in existence. i dont know if any valentines day has ever meant anything to me. but yea...idk... then today when he brought up naked pics of miley cyrus it hit me that i was friend zoned. he said i was trippin but i dont think i am. i took meltdown this morning to do cardio and i shouldnt have bc i been depressed all day. he wants me to take t3 and clen and anavar and i think ill take anavar but not the other 2 because stimulants make me depressed and i hate being this person. so i knew that was part of it. but like..idk all day i felt like this and he didnt make it better at all.