day 8- i feel like i should be happy but im not?

So....definitely liking Corey less and less as time goes on. Maybe its cause I haven't seen him. but like.. idk...so okay long story short I guess for the most part I got what I wanted? doesn't feel like it. but I tried to break it off and just let his ass go and he said he didn't believe I was done and wanted to give it a chance could I help him and I said I could tell you what to do but you wont do it and he said try me and I said in the most creative and awesome sarcastic way ever that we need to be in a relationship and he said did I think that was rushing and to be real I should've said yes but I said hed been getting to know me for six months and blah blah. I also said we weren't having sex outside of a relationship anymore and that I should've kept my legs shut from the beginning so he would respect me more and make an honest woman out of me. and like.. anyway long story short surprisingly he said okay. in a longer text but whatever so he added me back and I sent em the request but didn't know It was going to be huge on both of our timelines and like yea.. he still hasn't said yes. keeps saying hes going to but honestly. I really thought id be happier. im not. its awkward as hell to be honest I feel no romantic connection whatsoever like I feel like we wont make it through the week! and hes supposed to come to my bday party but idk. I just don't know. I wonder what its gunna be like. and It just feels weird. I had a dream I met his sister and was getting ready to meet his mom then I wokeup. but yea like...I JUST DONT KNOW. like..it feels weird as hell. I know in highschool it was always weird when you got into a relationship. like presenting yourself to the public, seeing what they say. his mom nor his sister or any of HIS friends mostly only mutual friends have liked it. it just doesn't feel good whatsoever. anxiety is back. conversations are awkward. I constantly feel like hes not going to do it like he doesn't want to be with me. I feel like his family and friends don't like me and they have no reason to but that he just doesn't that much, not to mention I told him I love him a gazillion times and of course he didn't say it back but I guess were just acting like it didn't happen? I guess hes not repulsed by the idea. I just hate this phase. like I don't even feel right calling him my boyfriend is it going to even last. I definitely don't feel love right now. idk when we talked the other night I was SO fed up. idk if I can get back to where I was cause im still fed up I don't trust him. and im just super skeptical about all this. but at least im not in pain and I don't feel vulnerable. this always happens when you merge worlds from two different circles. there are people who will be happy about it and people that wont but I mean these people don't know me. im awesome. and a very good person if they don't like me something is wrong with them. theres a lot of places it could go from here. I thought we would like be closer..but it doesn't feel like it. I think we just need to spend time together I guess. but honestly im like...I just want a conclusion. id rather him just accept it. I don't want to have to haggle him about it. but whatever. like..idk. we will see. I just feel super awkward and anxious about it and we're not that close and idk if we're gong to be. now im TERRIFIED to meet his family. I don't really want to. I DO feel like we rushed into this. and it was all me. all I knew was he wanted to see me and I didn't like want him touching me and getting all these benefits without making an honest woman out of me. but I still don't trust him and im not freaking going to until he says yes. and I don't want to have to keep reminding him. honestly. idk. its so weird. maybe we weren't ever meant to be in a relationship or together at all maybe it was a fling. maybe our lives wont mesh. like...idk. maybe its just new and uncomfortable but I definitely don't feel like I have a boyfriend at all I feel very strange.it feels forced. idk. we haven't seen eachother in 2 weeks and its been horrible since vday and now were in a relationship. and im also worrying a lot about what people think. which I shouldn't be. but also what he thinks. like... idk. I feel like he doesn't really know me and I don't really know him what if we get to know eachother and don't like eachother. already today like he said he needed a new tire etc and his stepmom found em for him for 500 and her dad and her are going to pay for them and he was like I played that shit really well like on sunday he felt like he should go to church with his stepmom so he did and was like im psychic! I was like no that's called instinct..blah blah idk. why is he so faithless. I just see him different. I guess I wanted him to prove to me he was proud of me and was committed but that's not how I feel whatsoever im almost ready for this to be over and just like never speak of it again that's how uncomfortable I feel. cause I mean...its just still pending. idk. I guess ill just back off ...a LOT...and let him try to get close to me because I do not feel close to him its just too awkward and I really think its because of him but idk if this is gunna go away. it used to mean so much to me and I really thought like this would be the happiest day but its really not. I still don't feel like he wants it I think that's the main thing like he just did It to shut me up. im scared to go places with him because of his friends and I feel like I don't fit in or he doesn't want me there. he hasn't been being super nice since this happened hell idk. just weirdness. I don't trust him. and obviously that doesn't make for a good relationship. definitely off to a bumpy start.