I Read it....SHOCKED

So...I will eventually come copy word for word what he said. bust basically...it wasn't mean at all. and honestly. no other guy in the world would've responded to all my bashing in such a way. his heart is so sweet. I want it so bad. he basically said he hates reading my texts because I make him feel so shitty. and he was sitting there with a guilty conscience because he doesn't know whats right and he doesn't know what to do. and that he nevr wanted to hurt me. just when hes with me he feels weak and he wants to get to the top and hes scared of losing and with what hes seen with his friends relationships and his in the past and the crazy emotions hes felt he just doesn't want to get distracted and get off track and lose and be old news. that he sees my passion and its crazy like hes never had someone care so much and it scares him because he doesn't believe what he sees in me and hes nothing person he doesn't know what hes become and hes tried everything to sabotage this relationship and im still here and he doesn't understand why. and that its like the more I show him I care the more he runs and hides he jus didn't know what else to do.  he said he never truly gave into me and he knows i deserved him to. he was like I do miss you and I wish we would've gotten to see eachother this past weekend. and he hopes im okay and that he knows I am cause im strong and so persistent. idk I told em. I said it again I said I was here because I love em. went back into the same shit that I always believed. and now idk whats gunna happen. but I might get to see him this weekend after all. it would have to be like sunday though cause unless he wants to come to karaoke im not cancelling my plans. idk...idk. I told the truth I spoke my heart. all I can say is it takes a very humble, good person to respond the way he did. I wouldn't have. idk. idk what to think. I wont say anything else. ill just wait. I know eventually by the end of this week though apparently not tonight he will say something. im sick of him running from me but I do love him so very much and I still want to be with him. if he would give into me it would be the best thing..just ever. but idk. ill go back to my life of trying to forget but I cant act like I don't have hope now. God just....idk. I need you . Just...do what you do. I don't want to ask you for anything. whatever is meant to be whatever you want. but I love him so much. If its in your will God, warm his heart and free him to give in. I really think that's the only thing that will truly set us both free and make us both so happy. if we make eachother weak oh well we can be strong..i will keep praying. its in your hands. help me keep my mouth shut I said enough.