An attempt at a conversation about the awkwardness

We'll see what he says. I told him how I felt. that I pressured him etc. he said I did but I knew that and that he did like me its just a weird feeling. I was so fed up but after I said it before he responded I did think like I would like to make it work. I don't want to take it down. it may be difficult but this has been the guy of my dreams. if somehow by some miracle we could both give in wed both be happier than we ever have been but I want us BOTH to be happy. if hes not than im not. but yea like..so...I mean idk. I just said like I told em why I did it. that I just didn't want to be the backdoor chick anymore and I felt that if I didn't say what I wanted id never get it. and then I just said could I get a pass and could he just do it for me because I was patient and sweet with him and give it a true chance like he said he would and I would too. that wed never BOTH given it a real chance. and the awkwardness should go away as we get to know eacother more and get closer. and that if we just cant stand eachother we can breakup. that it was worth a shot and if he was willing to do it for me it would show me a lot and should show him a lot too. and that we didn't have much to lose but eachother. then I said "fuck. no pressure? im just a pushy bitch aren't I? I don't try to be. its just my beautiful command of the English language is so convincing. its not my fault im so talented : / " idk maybe we should try. and see what happens so we can get it out of our system. at least that. or it might work out. its going to be difficult and the whole situation ,makes me feel super weird but that tends to get better with time. not everyone has a relationship with someone they've known forever and its immediately thrust into acceptance. I do want us both to be comfortable. and if we're not then like...its not worth it. im willing to go back to being single. we don't even have to talk. ill hide it on fb and we can act like nothing happened. Id rather not do that. cause I do think its worth a shot I just don't want to always be the one to do everything. and I want us to feel free and be able to grow. I mean..idk. its up to him. please God let him be honest.