SO MUCH TO DO

I want to go workout but i think I need to save it for a later time. idk part of me wants to get it out of the way so i dont have to leave the house again today. and part of me is like damn i dont really even have to workout today if i dont want to. but i might as well. the day seems short as shit like its pretty much over but i know if i go i could get like a 30-45 minute workout in leave and come right back home and be done.


thats what i ended up doing. its 344 and my workout is done and im home. corey says hes gunna come get his wallet later. cause all of a sudden he needs it. idk. if God is like going to start speaking to me through these good and bad feelings. i mean i cant prevent anything. well i guess i can if i try. but if that were so. i do not have a bad feeling about valentines day. i dont have any anxiety. and the way hes being dodgy about it...my INSTINCT has been telling me like to not say anything so i dont ruin the surprise. honestly friday..im just going to like have my makeup and hair pretty from work and be wearing sexy underwear. i can keep that. so it wont be like some huge waste. today hes running errands with his mom. i wonder idk man. he knows what i want ive told him several times flowers and a bear. it really wouldnt matter. all girls just want something showy and adorable to see that boys care. that really all it is. i want to see him do SOMETHING for me. to come through for once. so i can see his true feelings for me and that they exist for once after six fucking months to know that hes there for me. and i have someone. i mean it would be just plain ridiculous if he did nothing. like that would be a blatant red flag honestly. because he KNOWS how much it means to me hes not that dumb. he knows. and hes living in a house with girls he could easily have them help him with what to do. i mean dinner. would be GREAT but i dont care about that. just him coming over. and some stuff lol of course -__- but yea like...he is living with his mom so he is going to witness areeb going all out for his sister. for him to ignore that and basically act like hes single and not do anything for me. not okay. HE HAS MONEY. its in his wallet which is actually with me right now and hes coming to get it. so like...i mean....that would be basically him deliberately deciding not to do anything and having been dodgy just being shady. saying it doesnt even sound right. i mean hed have to hate me. i really cant imagine him being THAT horrible. but im going to try not to bring it up because it will take the fun out of it and wont mean anything if i keep bringing it up. and like...idk. when i bring it up he pretty much just ignores me. he could be being an asshole but its so weird. and like.. yday whe i brought it up he was like you actually didnt open up a subject but i know what you mean lol :) << why a smiley face is youre literally going to ignore it. i PRAY he doesnt. how do you recover from that? really? like pleeease please dont. cause thats just horrible and i dont deserve that :( anyway. but yea i just dont want to think of it. im basically going to be waiting around on friday. and if he doesnt come im going to send him a picture of what i had put together with the caption "youre an asshole." and just probably ignore him for a few days. there is no excuse. except for just not caring about me like he says he does. but yea. anyway. so when he comes over here today idk. i hope hes getting that fucking wallet so he can spend that money on ME lol :( God please. dont let this stupid holiday tear us apart.