could things just work out for once with us?

theres just a list of reasons why this isn't going to work. and like...im so sick of having to feel SO insecure and go against everything I honesty just want him to hurry up and say something, I still wasn't able to focus this week I want him to hurry up and tell me something. and like lets get it over with i'll take it down if I need to. im worried about a lot of shit I don't need to add to this im ready to go back to my life being relaxed :( but heres the list

his friends don't seem to like me

I don't fit in with the little cypress circles

his family hasn't met me and im TERRIFIED to meet them now

his sister seems like a bitch

he lives far

I love him and he doesn't love me

hes young and immature

hes broken my heart so many times I don't trust him

he doesn't really want a relationship

our lives don't mesh

this is SO FUCKING HARD

why. why is it so damn hard. because he doesn't want it. he said he wanted to give in but hes not I can tell hes not happy im not happy THERE IS SO MUCH that goes on in his life that im not involved in. hes got a big ass family. a gazillion friends. everyone is in the loop but me. this isn't good for me. I feel like...I just shouldn't have said anything. FUCK. I cant be happy no matter what God please help me I am so sorry I just...I don't know what im doing all u ever do is eff stuff up and I just im so frustrated. I have stuff to do but ill do it tomorrow. honesty I just want to lay down. ill eat lay down and get up later and workout cause im not going up there right now. God please whether its by ending it or buy mending it do something and help me out of this mess please God. I just want peace. whatever the verdict is everything in the whole wide world is saying we just don't beleong together and im just about ready to listen to it honestly. its been a long time coming I think im ready to let go I don't even think id cry cause I cant feel anything but anxiety right now. im not happy IM STRESSED THE FLIP OUT AND THIS ISNT HELPING. I NEED TO FREAKIGN RELAX AND I CANT PLEASE HELP ME IM SORRY ALL I DO IS MESS UP.